Time.

There are times when we want change to happen now. Or really, if we're being honest, we wanted them to happen yesterday. Our society is so fast paced, that we often discount the effort that goes into making changes.

Saving money for a vacation.
Finding a new job.
Closing on a house.
Finding a new partner.

The Fair Godmother reminds us that even miracles take time. As an adult going back and watching Disney movies from my childhood, it's been so interesting hearing words from songs that I memorized years ago, and finally understanding their meaning. For example....

"No matter how your heart is grieving... if you keep on believing... the dream that you wish will come true."

Of course we know that it pays to be patient. To rest in our current circumstance. To trust that things will work themselves out. But it helps to know that even the Fairy Godmother herself can't make things happen right away. :) Somehow, it helps me to calm down in the hustle and bustle of life.... to stop, and remind myself to keep believing in my dreams, to keep pursuing my goals. It might just take time.

Believe.

There are times... I know... when giving up is easy. When throwing in the towel seems like a much better (and easier) option that putting your head down and going through the crap in order to get to what you want. Obstacles can seem huge in comparison to our dreams.

Of financial freedom.
Of happiness.
Of mastering a class.
Of overcoming a fear.

But something inside of you is bigger than that obstacle. Bigger than the fear of failure. Bigger than anything that you can imagine. Sometimes, it's just that the voice saying "you can do it" is whispering when the voices of doubt are screaming.

On days when I feel like nothing is going to happen the way I'd like and all my dreams that worthless, I try to make a list (or refer back to the list I've already written) and remind myself of my journey. Why I want what I want so badly.

To be my own boss.
To feel comfortable in front of a crowd.
To breathe a little easier after all bills are paid.
To feel good in my own skin.

When obstacles come your way... and they always seem to come when we're feeling good about progress... remind yourself of your capacity to overcome. Remind yourself of what you've already done to overcome, and what you're doing daily to stay in the mindset of success.

Believe.

The truth about Middle Schoolers.

I have vivid memories of school. I was always teacher's pet. I always did my work. I always loved class projects.

But middle school.... was terrible. In 6th grade, I remember making fun of someone for the first time (it was out of jealousy, I remember clearly, but that doesn't make a difference). It was the first time I got in trouble at school for yelling out in class (a boy was relentlessly whispering my name and I had had enough). I got picked on for still tight-rolling my jeans... for not shaving yet... for riding the bus. I had my first holy-cow-real crush and wore his puffy Starter jacket to be cool. I had my first huge blow-up with best friends (a three BFF triangle isn't always the best idea). I had my second holy-cow-real crush, and let him cheat off of me on an English test.

So when this article "10 Truths Middle Schoolers Should Know", I immediately clicked on the link. And every memory from those three horrific (and amazing) years came flooding back to me. My neck hurt from nodding so much in agreement with its words.

I can't help but share it. If you're a parent of middle schoolers... if you're a middle schooler... if you have friends who have middle schoolers. Read. This. Article.

For convenience, I've just copied it below, but here is the article link: CLICK ME

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It's rare to hear anyone say they loved middle school. Even people with positive memories never tout it as the best years of their life.

Simply put, it's an awkward season. It's a time of constant changes, social shake-ups, swinging emotions, and intense pressures. If I've learned anything from working with adolescent girls, it's how hungry this age group is for comfort and reassurance. I hear it in their voices and see it in their eyes whenever I speak to a group, a look of searching and a longing to hear something -- anything -- to help them make sense of things.

Please tell me it gets better, their faces silently plead. Tell me this isn't it.

Well, middle schoolers, I assure you that life picks up. There's a bigger, more promising world beyond this rite of passage. In the meantime, I have 10 truths to center you. I hope they bring you peace and a little friendly guidance.

Truth #10: Today's most awkward moments will be tomorrow's funniest memories. Keep a sense of humor whenever possible.

Those braces on your teeth that collect food? That acne on your face that miracle creams can't cure? That giddy rush you get when your crush walks by, and you can't think, talk, or see straight? One day these things will be really funny! They'll be the memories you rehash again and again with your siblings and oldest friends.

It takes time, but as you gain confidence, your awkward moments become fun to share. You'll readily admit yours and laugh at the comedy and conversation that result.

Eventually you'll have a dazzling smile, clear skin, and someone to love. Your current problems will have closure. So stay mindful of the big picture, and remember that even your worst experiences will pass.

Truth #9: You don't want to peak in middle school (or high school or college, for that matter). The worst goal you can have is popularity. Because what often makes adolescents popular -- running with the fast crowd, dominating your peers, living a superficial lifestyle -- eventually leads to problems.

A truly successful person gets better with time. You go from being version 1.0 of yourself to version 2.0, 4.0, 6.0, and so on. But when you chase popularity, you peak early. You stop growing and improving because you're stuck in instant gratification mode, looking for quick fixes to satisfy your needs.

Make it your goal to peak later in life. Make good choices that set you up for a bright future. If you're not a superstar now, that's OK. This simply means there are better things ahead as you continue to evolve and learn.

Truth #8: Technology makes it easier than ever to ruin relationships and reputations. We live in an age where people post everything online -- feelings, emotions, and pictures. I love technology when it's used wisely, but too often, it's used impulsively. We let our fingers jump ahead of our brains, and within seconds, we can trigger hurt, misunderstandings, and serious issues.

So please, think twice before texting, emailing, or posting on social media. Cool off before giving someone a piece of your mind, venting, jumping to conclusions, reacting out of jealousy or anger, embarrassing someone, or sending an inappropriate photo. Use the Internet for good, not as a dumping ground.

And when you have an issue with a friend, call instead of sending texts. It's easy to put in writing what you'd never say in person, or to interpret a message the wrong way, and the tension this adds to a relationship is hard to recover from.

Truth #7: Surrounding yourself with good company is imperative. There's an old saying that's particularly relevant to your age group: "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."

Yes, you're called to love everyone, but not everyone deserves a place in your innermost circle. Some people you love up close and personal, and others you love at arm's length because inviting them into your life invites disaster.

Sooner or later, a bad influence will rub off. You'll either make choices against your better judgment or wind up in a predicament. As a mom I know told her daughter, she once went out with a guy who was very sweet to her but also wild. She didn't see the issue until they had their first date -- and he took her to a drug dealer's house.

She told her daughter, "Even though I was innocent, I would have gone to jail if the police had come. I was guilty by association just by being there."

Good friends lift you up. They don't put you in risky or compromising situations. To become the best version of yourself, you need friends who hold themselves to high standards and want you to reach your full potential, too.

Truth #6: What makes you different is what makes you great. Middle school is largely about conformity. I see this firsthand because I live near a middle school, and over time I've noticed how all the kids dress alike, walk alike, and act alike.

Meanwhile, at my children's elementary school, I see authenticity and diverse personalities because the kids don't yet know how to be anything but themselves. It saddens me to know that they, too, will eventually feel pressured to hide what makes them unique.

You'll never influence the world by trying to be like everyone else in it. You'll never find your calling by following the crowd. God made you different for a reason, and what sets you apart plays into His plan for you. So listen to that quiet voice inside you and remember yourself as a child. Cling to the passions you had in your early years, because they hold more answers than you know.

Truth #5: It's OK not to have your life planned out. It's OK if you haven't discovered your "thing." Chances are, you know kids with immense talent and drive. They've trained for years in their area of expertise, and they know exactly what they want in life.

Deep down you may be envious and uncomfortable, because you fear you're getting left behind. You wonder why they have their act together -- and you don't.

But even the best-laid plans will face curveballs. Even the most driven kids will wind up on different paths from those they had originally envisioned. So if your future isn't mapped out by ninth grade, take heart! You're still young and have plenty of time to discover what you were born to do. Just set goals for yourself, use your gifts, and head in a good direction. Set a positive trajectory so that when you do discover your thing, you're ready to soar.

Truth #4: Your uniform is not your identity. Labels are big in middle school, and there's a confidence that comes from wearing a football jersey, cheerleader uniform, or other type of team attire.

But remember that having a uniform -- or even designer clothes -- doesn't increase your worth. You're special because of who you are, not what you put on your body or what you achieve.

Overnight you can lose your place on a team. You can lose your talents, your wardrobe, your relationships, even your Instagram account. But if you base your identity on the one thing you'll never lose -- God's love -- your foundation is unshakable. You'll still be standing even if you lose every earthly trapping this world says is important.

Truth #3: Applause can be misleading. You can make a huge mistake and still get cheered on wildly. Through social media, popularity is now quantifiable. You can gauge your performance by how many "likes," comments, and shares you get.

But remember, numbers alone can be misleading. To get the full picture, you need to measure numbers against the truth. The best applause to live for is the quiet peace inside you. What makes you feel good about yourself? What helps you rest easy at night? Criticizing someone to bring them down or make people laugh won't bring you peace. Neither will watching someone else beat up on a kid as the crowd cheers him on.

You know the truth by how you feel deep down. And when you seek your applause from within, you don't need the applause of public approval.

Truth #2: There's a difference between helpful advice and criticism that holds you back. Be careful who you listen to. Some people want you to succeed. Others don't. Develop a strong filter for whose words you take to heart -- and whose words you ignore.

Some questions to ask yourself are: Do I trust this person? Are they respectable? Do they practice what they preach? Are they the kind of person I hope to become? Do they recognize my talent and potential and encourage me, or do they drag me down by harping on where I fall short?

How others talk to you influences how you talk to yourself. And since that voice in your head impacts your confidence, determination, and willingness to take risks, you want people in your life who speak the truth in love and always with your best interest in mind.

Truth #1: You're AWESOME. Truly, you are. All these crazy changes are leading to something amazing. In the grand scheme of life, middle school is only a blip, so keep it in check. Have fun, dream big, and make good choices. One day you'll look back and laugh at the absurdities of this stage, and, if you're lucky, you'll enjoy a lot of humor now.

This post originally appeared on karikampakis.com. Find Kari on Facebook or check out her new book for teen & tween girls, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, released by Thomas Nelson.

Back to normal.

Church camp.

Family reunion.

A week without my husband (translation: an excuse to be a workaholic).

A girls' weekend.

That's what I've been doing the past month. I didn't realize until I logged on here that it's almost been a month since posting. I feel like I'm that girlfriend who expresses interest and lavishes you with text messages and e-mails constantly.... only to fall off the face of the Earth for a bit until she comes crawling back. Even though I feel terrible for deserting this blog, I also think that I needed the break. To deal with my own life, sort some stuff out, and come back rested and ready for more.

Recharging is so important in life, but too often we feel guilty to lay something down (even if just for a bit) and focus on ourselves and the things that are most important to us. We get so caught up in our routines and wonder how it can be that we're overwhelmed. The truth, I think, is that we just get used to our own chaos and don't realize how much damage we're creating in ourselves. It's funny to me that while I preach this to clients, I'm probably the worst at it. I'm really good at initiating the laying down of things... telling myself that something "has to give"... only to find myself picking it back up a few weeks later when I start to think that I have enough time on my hands to commit to something else.

The title of this blog post is "Back to Normal". Apparently, my normal is being overwhelmed with too many things that I love too much to lay down. At least for now.

The weight of water.

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." 

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night.

Remember to put the glass down!

{story origin and source unknown}

Chain-link fences.

Healing and forgiveness is no stranger to the therapy world. In some form or fashion, each client I see is working on forgiveness... at times, the forgiveness of others. Most of the time, it's forgiveness of themselves.

The walls of resentment and unforgiveness are a challenge to break down at times because they are mortared with fear... fear that if we let our guard down, that those same hurts will happen again and again. We fear that we're not strong enough to be heartbroken again, we're fearful that our expectations won't be met, we're scared that we deserved the pain.

Last week, talking with a client, I thought of another way to view "the wall". In therapy, we discussed the wall that is built up to protect her from hurt... but that in the process of protecting herself, she feels as though she's missing from other relationships (i.e. the concrete wall that she built to protect herself also prevents other people from engaging with her). We thought, instead, to consider a chain-link fence. 

Protection on both side.
Little holes to pass information back and forth.
Little holes to see things on the other side.

Figuring out boundary-setting after we've been hurt can be a challenge. Unfortunately, the only way to build back trust... is to trust. Even if it's a little sliver of ourselves. The good thing is that it's a lot easier to put up a chain-link fence than a concrete wall. HERE'S a great article on practical steps for healing. Although the examples that the article gives are geared toward abusive situations, I think it can apply to any relationship that might need forgiveness.

Enough.

I read this blog post, and sighed in relief.
Relief to know I'm not the only one that lies awake and thinks.
Of things done.
Of things undone.

I invite you to visit Lexi's blog post -- It's Not What I Think It's About -- and reflect on her thoughts about what life should be about. And I hope you'll try, like I will, to live with aspirations of love. I know I don't do it nearly as much as I need to.... well, really, I need to only live with love. 

We all need to live with love.

Staying in your lane.

When I saw it the first time, I liked it because I was going through a challenging situation and wondering why someone was paying attention to me and my actions. I was aggravated, and wanted the other person to mind their own business instead of getting caught up in my life.

This morning, seeing the same words, I consider the other side of the coin... and it was like a jolt of lightning hit me. I considered my own behaviors... and question why I worry about what other people are doing. What does it matter to me?

I remind myself what I tell my clients all the time.

"Stay in your own lane."

Staying in your own lane means being mindful of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors... paying attention to my stuff, not yours. I need to focus on the changes that I need to make, not keep tabs on your life and what you're doing. I might think it's a little quick for you to move into a relationship.... I might think that you need to budget your money better... I might question why you chose to quit that job that I perceived as good... I might think you're ridiculous for staying in a negative relationship.

But that's none of my business.
That creates stress for me.
And really... truly... dealing with my own stress is a full-time job.

Do what you need to do.

Back in graduate school, a book titled The Gift of Therapy was encouraged for us to read during our practicum class that gets us ready to be in the field of counseling. I don't know about my peers, but I didn't buy it. Nine years into my career, I bought the book a few days ago and find myself wishing that graduate student self would have read it. It's filled with all of these great hints and considerations that an emerging therapist might benefit from in sessions with clients, being present with them and helping them work through challenges. Hindsight is 20/20 though, and I wonder if I would carry the same appreciation that I do now, back then.

In my professional life, I'll admit that there are times when I have to bite my tongue from providing suggestions to clients that I think are best... or to not say "I told you so" when a plan didn't turn out the best. I try to be very aware of my interactions with clients, helping them to find the route that is best for them, developing plans for happiness, and being encouraging and reassuring when those plans are followed through. I know my job isn't to tell a client what they need to do, but to guide them in making decisions themselves.

In the same breath, though, I know that along the timeline of my life that other people have had those same thoughts about me.... knowing that I made choices because they made me happy, despite the feelings of others. I have made decisions that impacted my happiness immediately, but could have contributed to unhappiness down the road. I have had "Doh!" moments where I realized the errors of my ways, and times when I've been completely blind to seeing the consequences of my actions.

As a therapist, I try to pull back when it comes to decision making. There are times when I feel like a trainwreck, and times when I feel relatively put together. (My best friend will tell you that I'm my own therapist at times.) When it comes down to it, we need to do what makes us happy.... and do it. 

Not talk about it excessively.
Not waver 254 times.
We need to close our eyes, say a little prayer, and jump... jump into our life, waves and all.

A dark tunnel.

There are so many analogies out there for describing the importance of seeing through our stressors. In theory, we know that it's important not to avoid our problems, and instead think about the situation and consider possible solutions. But it can be a challenge not to want to react based on our immediate emotions.

Scared. Vulnerable. Weak.

We know it's important to see our situation through. To develop strategies for coping and wait out the storm. At times, it can even seem like things are getting worse before they get better... but we know that change takes time. Change takes effort. Change takes patience.

If you're feeling as though you're going through a dark tunnel, know that you're not alone. You have other people riding the train too. People who can support you and hold your hand. People who can provide words of encouragements. If you sit still, and trust the process of change, you'll soon see sunshine peeking out ahead.

Bother me later.

Last night, I didn't have a lecture to write.
Or papers to grade. In fairness, I spent all afternoon grading them.
Or a voice to practice. Church choir practice is out for the summer.
Or a load of laundry to fold. Well.... one that couldn't stand another day of wrinkles.

Last night, I sat on the edge of my pool with my legs dangling in the water.
Last night, I laid back on the warm concrete of the pool's edge and stared into the sky... noticing satellites orbit the Earth, gazed at the Big Dipper, and picked out what I think to be another planet (since it was brighter than most stars).

I'll have to be honest and tell you that I can't remember the last time I just *was*.
That I just enjoyed the company of what was around me.
Without internet (though, admittedly, I texted with a few people here and there).
Without entertainment from Netflix or Amazon Prime.
Even without music.

There was laughter.
And story-telling.
Reminiscing about how truly wonderful life is.

My goal this summer is to have a lot more of those nights.
Of enjoying the company I choose to be around.
Of laughing until my cheeks hurt.
Of feeling good about where I am. In this moment.

Stress... bother me later. I'm right in the middle of being fantastic.

Feel it.

There are so many times when feeling unsure can seem debilitating. It can feel as though you're drowning, not realizing that you're only in knee-deep water and that all you need to do is stand up. I think it's because we're not comfortable being uncomfortable. We are creatures of habit... keeping the same schedule, and oftentimes, the same feelings. Even if they're not healthy for us.

So often, we try to ignore uncomfortable feelings. We distract ourselves with other tasks, or engage in negative behaviors to avoid feeling true emotions. We don't realize it during the time, but we're setting ourselves up for further destruction. I know that personally, situations never seem to be as big of a deal as how I create it in my mind to be...

I've learned to take a deep breath and unfold the layers. To look at each piece and determine how I perceive the situation. Even if I'm comfortable, I tell myself not to freak out. I remind myself that I'm used to challenges, and I will overcome the next one.

We have a choice.

I know there are days.
Days when it's difficult to get up out of bed.
To slap a smile on your face.
To press through and make it happen.

But.

Our attitude is power.
Our attitude is our freedom.
Making a choice to be positive.
Making a decision to make the best out of a situation.

Even with disappointment.
Even with guilt.
Even with sadness.

We have a choice.

We have a choice to be alive.
Our attitude is our ticket to freedom.
To feel the sun on our face.
To hear the birds singing in the trees.
To make the best out of what's been given us.
To learn lessons and make better decisions.

We have a choice.

Misery loves company.

We all know that person... the person who complains all the time, the one who never seems to be happy, who seems to sabotage their success in life. To be honest, it can be draining to be around people continuously remind themselves of their failures and misfortunes. As a therapist, it can be a challenge to move someone through changing self-talk which can often be so ingrained into their thinking.

Sometimes, though, we're the misery person. We're the person who thinks in the gutter, the one who reminds others of our negative plot in life, the one who tells the same misfortune story over and over. We proudly wear the badge that says that we've been shafted in life.

Some people I come across say that they are sick and tired of being sick and tired... but when it comes to making changes, they don't. They say that they can't. (I think it's more of a "won't".) But, some people just aren't ready. They're not ready to take responsibility. To make an effort to do something different. To examine their own behaviors objectively. To set goals and working toward them.

In order to fix this misery thought pattern, I encourage clients to do three things: be aware of thoughts and feelings, stop making excuses, and take responsibility.

1. Awareness of thoughts and feelings. Internally, we all have a monologue of thoughts.... "I'm not pretty/smart/capable/athletic/sexy/confident enough." We also tend to compare ourselves to other people, typically those who ARE pretty/smart/capable. Oftentimes, we are completely oblivious to what we tell ourselves. When we slow down and pay attention to this mental messages, we may realize how harsh we are to ourselves. I think about it this way... would you ever speak the messages that you tell yourself to someone that you care about?

2. Stop making excuses. The truth is, we do the things that we WANT to do. If I really want to lose weight, I'll get up at 5:00 and go to the gym... if I don't, I'll continue to stay up late, make excuses for being tired in the morning, and continue talking/thinking negatively about my body. Whether it's losing weight, wanting another job, finding a new place to live, or setting boundaries with family..... if you want it bad enough, you'll find a way. You'll stop making excuses. You'll set small goals that get you closer to the prize.

3. Take responsibility. With the exception of people who are diagnosed with major depression issues, I truly think that we determine our happiness. As a therapist, I know that neurotransmitters in our brains can impact our happiness, but I also know that there are things that we do that contribute to overall feelings of happiness and misery. Natural endorphins are released when we exercise, for example. Taking responsibility means that we need to take ownership of our life... stop blaming other people for why we are the way we think/feel/act. Blaming other people takes the responsibility off of us, and we tend to remain in a victim mindset.

I know that it's a challenge to change. It can be very difficult to consciously think about the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that we engage in each day. We have to make concerted efforts to be mindful. I know that it's easy to stay stuck. To stay comfortable. To complain about the lot we've been given in life. We like people to sympathize with us... to join us in misery... because we don't like being alone. Imagine how much could change if we put that same amount of effort and energy into being happy.

Crushes... or friends... or me.

This image came across my Facebook feed a few days ago, and while I loved it, I forgot to take a screenshot of it to save for eternity (admit it, I'm not the only one who never deletes a picture on their phone)! I knew it had to exist elsewhere in the Land of the Internet, so I searched "crushes" on Pinterest, my go-to website for all things.

I need to admit to you how depressing it was to look at the images and website links that came up for my Pinterest search. It had me walking down memory lane regarding unrequited love and interest for boys/men in my life over the years. Like a "This is Your Life" video montage, all of the guys I've had interest in during my teens years flashed before my mind... Michael and our 7th grade trip to Rock Eagle, Jason in 8th grade and "helping" him pass English by copying my test paper, or Justin in high school who had sparkling eyes.

It's no wonder this original image stood out to me. No matter how much time passes, our brain remembers. We store our memories with associated feelings... the butterflies, the happiness, and the heart break. So often we think we know what we want, but reality and the plans ahead are so much different. I remind myself of how wonderful it is that reality is different. That things usually turn out much better than the picture I have in my mind. 

Diane Stark, the mom who contributed this story in the article, reminds her daughter of seeing into a crush more than just good looks and a nice smile. Perhaps we all need to consider this, not only for crushes but also for our friends... even ourselves.

Moving forward.

It's so easy to stay with a thought.
To allow it to snuggle up in your brain and get comfortable.
To get caught and not be able to wriggle free.

The power of a mistake to control us is indescribable at times.
And rarely do we need reminders from others about our choices.
Because even when years go by, our misfortunes can awake like hibernated bears.
They can awake, and... just as you were starting to forget the mistakes you've made, they come barreling back into your stream of consciousness.

Sometimes, the best thing we can do is to remind ourselves that we're not perfect.
That we're flawed.
That we're human.
And that it's okay to make a mistake.
When we learn better, we do better.
When we do better, we recognize misfortunes, and turn them into opportunities for growth.
Growth, and change.
Into happier selves.

Don't dwell.
Face.
Admit.
Accept.
And move forward.

Who are you?

I was searching for another one of her videos, when I stumbled on this one by Iyanla Vanzant. Ms. Vanzant is a powerful speaker and "relationship expert". I got hooked on her when the girls at my office wanted to show me something from her television show. It wasn't long before I began following her on Facebook and watching her motivational videos.

This "Who Are You?" video speaks to me.... loudly. It speaks to be when I consider how I define myself. When I consider the person I am beyond the description of "therapist" or "Brett's wife". Beyond the hats that I wear on a daily basis, who am I underneath it all?

I think that a lot of people feel challenged to answer this question because we tend to look outside of ourselves for validation. We look to the roles we carry, the friendships we have, the things that we do and are for others. Ms. Vanzant encourages us to consider who we are in the dark, without television, laying on our backs... perhaps staring at the ceiling at 2:00 in the morning. She encourages you (and me) to consider who we are, not because of how other people tell us we are, but because we know it. We feel it. We believe it. We live it.

Who are you?

Exhausted. But blessed.

I beat myself up for having not blogged at all week. But the truth is, I'm exhausted.

Teaching is more intense than I ever could have imagined... in the best possible way. I had a student ask me a few weeks ago what time I go to bed at night because he noticed the time stamp on the lectures I post online. I laughed to myself at his question, but I know that I perhaps have bitten off more than I could chew.

The truth is, I feel in my element. I feel like I'm in an amazing groove. I'm happier than I've felt in a long time and I know it's because I made a choice to do what I want. To do what I love. Even at the cost of my rest. :)

If you're in a place right now where you're on the fence about making a decision, know that I understand that feeling. If you're leaning toward NOT doing it because you're doubting your ability, I encourage you to take a chance. Take a chance that you'll completely love it, despite sleep depravity. Despite saying no to things that you used to do (like all-night marathons of Netflix shows).

After all, you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.

I promise to make more of an effort to spend some time here on my blog beginning next week. Writing helps to sort thoughts, share insights, and express the importance of lifting up others. I'll do some sleeping this week, and be ready to roll on Monday. :)

Students.

Love this.
A reminder that we're all students.
Learning and growing.
At our own pace.
No need to compare.
No need to boast or lament.
One foot in front of the other.

A journey.

One year ago yesterday, I started a blog. My purpose was to fill the void that I created by leaving my career of being a therapist in a hospital-based setting and into private practice. Gone would be the case management, the mountainous paperwork, the politics of working for an organization... but also gone would be my group therapies, and intense passion to teach others through song, open process, and the sharing of stories.

192 posts later, I've got a year of blogging under my belt. I've had a goal to post at least three times a week, and with the exception of things lately... I think I've reached that goal pretty successfully. I don't think I fully understood the change that would come when I agreed to add "college instructor" to my list of hats, and now instead of consider a blog post each morning, I'm in class doing a different kind of teaching. I'm thankful for both forms.

The little step I made to put myself out there has brought wonderful conversation into my life... through friendships, client work, and making connections with other professionals. There are times when I blog because something speaks to me in my innermost self, times when I blog because I read something really cool, or because I need to reflect something discussed in therapy.

If you've been with me since the beginning, I hope you've enjoyed this journey.
If you've just joined me recently, I invite you to continue the ride!

Recovery.

Today is National Alcohol Awareness Day. I haven't shared with many people about my journey in working with clients who have substance abuse issues, and figured that it would be just a good day as any to take an opportunity to share my walk.

People joke and say that people who become therapists aim to fix themselves or their family members. While I wouldn't say that was true for me (honestly, this whole therapy thing was a Higher Power decision and not a Kelly decision) I would be remiss to not mention that my family has its fair share of history in the mental health and substance abuse department. It deeply impacted my adolescent years, and to this day I have boundaries up because of the behaviors of some family members.

Even with a Master's degree under my belt, the impact of substance abuse didn't hit me (like a ton of bricks) until I was working and began seeing my first substance abuse client. I fought tooth and nail to give her to another therapist. I ranted about substance abuse being a choice and mentally siding with her family members who were at their wit's end. Empty promises. Progress and back-sliding. 

All of this before I got to know my client.
I had preconceived thoughts.
I had beliefs that impacted my care.

And then I listened.
I listened to a story of pain unfold.

Of loss.
Of regret.
Of depression.
Of internal suffering.
Of guilt and shame.

I realized that I was wearing grey colored glasses around her. I was another pointing finger. Another "how could you" voice.

Her story, her journey, our experience in therapy together completely changed me. My eyes were open to her pain. My ears heard the pleas of earnest effort to forget. To drown misery with misery. I've never viewed a client with substance abuse issues the same since. Over the years I have clients ask me if I have a history of substance abuse, oftentimes it being a defense for them not to open up with me. They think I'm unable to help without first-hand knowledge, but I encourage them to stick around for a bit before making a judgment (that same judgment that I had made). More recently, I had a client in group ask me the same question, to which I gave my reply of first-hand experience not being the only way we can share knowledge. After class was over I pulled him aside and asked him why that information was important. I will never forget his answer.

"You treat us like you've been there before, and have hope for our futures."

Two days in my career... both were game-changers. If you, or someone you know, has been impacted by problematic drinking behaviors, I encourage you to seek help. Not everyone needs hospitalization, it might just be that you need a non-judgmental ear to listen and a neutral person to process thoughts and feelings with along the way. Keeping focus on healthy behaviors and addressing the skeletons in your closet is the only way to make this journey successful. While perusing the internet this morning, I found this list of 12 stupid things that can mess up recovery. I had a little chuckle at first, and realized I've had several conversations about quite a few on here.

Game changers.

I know that therapy isn't for everyone... at least in terms of beginning therapy at any point and being able to see it through. I know that therapy CAN be useful for everyone, but you have to be at a point where you're willing to pull back the layers of your life and examine what's there. What's keeping you sick. What needs to get thrown away.

I recently found an amazing article from a woman who went to therapy in her 20s and kept a journal of sorts about her therapy experience. In THIS article, she speaks to 8 life-changing lessons that she learned while attending therapy. I hope you'll take the time to read the article, but here are the lessons that she learned...

1. You are stronger than you think.
2. The most difficult step of character development is to enjoy being alone.
3. Sometimes you have to let go of your notion of a happy family.
4. You need to accept you.
5. Don't take the blame for your parents' behavior.
6. Watch out for repetition-compulsion.
7. Practice being real.
8. Fully accepting what your parents can't give you frees you.

I went to lunch today with a fellow therapist, and we talked about how some graduate school programs encourage, or even require, students to attend therapy. We talked about the importance of being clear in your own thoughts and feelings before you can truly help others, and the importance of self-reflection as a practicing clinician.

Whether you are actively engaged in therapy, or could just use a little boost to your thoughts every once in a while, I hope you'll take the time to review this list and consider its impact in your own life. If you find stuck-points or an idea that speaks to you, I hope you'll take the time to think about it more. Think about how it applies to you and what you may be able to do to find some resolution.

The next chapter.

There are plenty of reasons....

You're nervous.
You're overwhelmed.
You're not ready.
You feel stuck.
You doubt success.
You fear failure.
You're cautious.
You like a plan.

There are plenty of reasons why we keep living the same chapter. Over and over again, we hold tight to our present situations even if we identify and understand that we need to turn the page. That we need to let go of what is and embrace what is to come. Mostly, it's because we fear the unknown... whether that comes in the form of success, or failure... whether things happen quickly, or dreadfully slow.

If you're in this boat of wavering, turn the page. Remind yourself of the goodness that can be awaiting you just on the other side. Remind yourself of the opportunities that you have to restore and rebuild yourself. Remind yourself of the goodness that you deserve, and the goodness that you seek. Remind yourself of the person you are capable of becoming.

Get unstuck.
Turn the page.
Begin the next chapter of your life.