Awesome.

There's something powerful about a giving spirit. Not always in the tangible form, but always from the heart.

A door held open.
A smile along the sidewalk.
A well-deserved thank you.

Oftentimes, we seek fulfillment and happiness in the THINGS of life. Payday becomes the time when we celebrate with food, capitalize on the clearance section, or stock up on goodies. But when the wallet is emptied and there's not more bills to go around, what gives happiness?

Consider today the ways in which you can make your day awesome for someone else. If everyone took on that attitude, imagine the world we'd have. Giving not because we have to or out of obligation, but out of happiness.

Monsters.

Sometimes it can be a challenge to embrace things we don't like. Our challenges. Our monsters. At first we're so apt to fight them... to combat, deny, and resist. When that happens, though, we break down and become tired. We become overwhelmed and confused about how to move forward.

When it's the hardest to move forward, perhaps we need to pause and pull back. Pull back and evaluate our situation. Maybe if we pulled back, we'd realize that our monsters don't define us... that they're just a PART of us, not the WHOLE of us.

Sometimes when working with clients who are challenged with depression and anxiety, they become bogged down by the diagnosis. The label. The perceived shortcoming. Many times, they can chart a path of identifying when the depression and/or anxiety began, and ways that they resisted acknowledging the problem. Instead of embracing -- not liking it or being excited about it, but embracing -- the feelings and thoughts, they pushed it away. Which of course, meant that it started pushing back with a vengeance.

Accepting and embracing our challenges doesn't mean that we're glad that it's a part of our lives. Rather, I think that acceptance means that you're not defined by it. That we acknowledge it's there and are aware of the impact it plays in our lives. That we're mindful of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors about it. And finally... that we're capable of making goals to work through it.

Sometimes we simply need to put a leash on it, and take it for a walk.

Tough conversations.

I remember when I was growing up and feeling conflicted about talking about things with my mom. I'd say that we were always close, but there were some conversations that I agonized about because I wasn't sure how she'd respond. Sometimes, just FACING a person and talking is a challenge... maybe a conversation in the dark would be better. I remember that when certain things happened and I needed to talk to her, but felt anxious about doing so, I'd write her a letter. Somehow, having an opportunity to get out my thoughts and feelings without having to worry about a disappointed face (or worse, a disappointing comment) made it easier. In addition, she'd have an opportunity to read all of my thoughts and then collect her own before either answering me, or approaching me for discussion.

I find that in my adult life, there are times when that agony still hits. Without the benefit of a simple letter exchange conversation, I've had to work on emotional control and mentally preparing for the ways in which conversations can go. I also find that if I don't have the conversation, I'm tormented by it on a daily basis... most often at night when trying to go to bed. 

There are times when we all need reminding that difficult topics enter our lives, and that we have to face them. And sometimes, the more challenging it is to figure out how to talk about it, the more important it is to have the conversation. Whether it's to clear the air about a disagreement, to ask forgiveness, to seek clarity in relationships, or to sever them.

So much of the time, when I look back on those difficult conversations, I realize that hardly ever did the talk go worse than I'd imagined in my mind. Most often, I was met with understanding and clarity. The air was cleared, the emotions not nearly as disturbing as I'd worked it up to be. Refreshing, almost.

If you're being tormented with thoughts and fears, and wish for clarity... take the chance. Maybe it starts by a draft e-mail (don't send it) and for you to sit on it for a bit. Sometimes, writing out our thoughts help us to process things on our own without the need for feedback. Or perhaps it would help to have the conversation first with someone who is supportive and neutral to your situation. Whatever your method for preparation, take the chance. 

A spark.

Yesterday, I went to a seminar on helping children find their spark. Specifically, the seminar focused on military children, and the importance of utilizing each child's spark to assist them in thriving through adverse life experiences that they may experience as a child of a parent in the military. I went in with no expectations, and left with more information than I could dream. The seminar wasn't just for military children... or even just children... but rather something that adults could benefit from... something that I, personally, could grasp and use.

During the introductions, we all had to stand up and give our names, location of work, and what is a "spark" in our lives... something that we feel passionate about. I sat toward the back of the room, so I was one of the last people to go. While everyone was introducing themselves, I searched my mind in thought about what I felt my spark was. Many people mentioned children (whew, I'm good there) or their jobs (I love my job, and I find fulfillment, but it's a paid fire-setter). Eventually, I had to stand up and give my schpeal.... I blurted out that my spark was cooking.

What?!

Throughout the seminar, while absolutely INCREDIBLE information was being presented, my mind kept flipping back to my answer, and honestly... I wondered why I said cooking. With the exception of the past week, I can't remember when the last time was that I cooked dinner for my husband. My dishwasher rarely needs to be run. I have grand plans and a Pinterest board full of amazing recipes.

And then I remembered.

While cooking wasn't something that I feel was passed down to me from family members (I only have one "family recipe") one of the things I remember from childhood was cooking dinner for my family. My mom worked late, and I was in charge of my little brother after school, and so I'd cook. I often pretended that I had a cooking show, and spoke to the blank space behind the stove like it was a video camera. (I know, I know, move over Rachael Ray.)

And then I remembered how I feel when we entertain... how I scour cookbooks and online resources for the perfect side dishes. Using almost every pan in my kitchen, I love cooking for people. I love feeding them tasty food, and hearing chattering and laughter around a dining table.

And then I remember cupcakes, and how excited I was to find my most recent favorite recipe for Lady Cake with Quick Lemon Icing from the 1964 Joy of Cooking that my husband found the other day.

I light up.

It's my spark.

It may not be children, your work, or cooking, but I think that we all have and NEED a spark. We may not be able to engage in it all of the time, but we need to know that something is spark-worthy in our lives. It could be gardening, crafting, healthy living, or volunteering for a cause that fires your soul.

Whatever it is, I encourage you to make time for it. There are so many things that try to drag us down in this world. We need to spend more time with our sparks so that we can set our souls on fire!

Others.

Sometimes I surprise myself with insight, and other times I laugh at myself in hindsight when I realize the incredibly immature way I handle things in life. I wonder if other people are like this... almost as if on a see-saw of insight and ignorance.

I recently was in discussion with a client who loves her job and the population of people that she works for, but has a challenging time finding acceptance of the people with whom she works. The focus of the job always seems to be about money rather than quality time, co-workers tend to be negative instead of uplifting, and there is a missing aspect of comradery.

In conversation with this client, I ask her about her job and encourage her to talk about why she enjoys it... helping her to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. It's overwhelmingly obvious that she has a passion for her job and the people that she serves. By the end of our conversation, the focus wasn't on the negative co-workers or the challenging partners... it was on the job. Her service to others.

There are times where it's a challenge not to focus on ourselves... the drama-focused workplace, increased stress of deadlines, or lack of teamwork. There are times when we need to get out of those situations in order to maintain self-preservation, but majority of the time, perhaps we need to ask ourselves this question... "What are you doing for others?" and remind yourself that it's not always about you.

After I ended therapy that evening, I drove home on auto-pilot. (You know those times when you start driving and end up at your destination in what feels like the blink of an eye?) During that blink, I reviewed so many times recently when I needed to have pulled back and asked myself what I was doing for others instead of focusing on myself and what I wanted. At the busy grocery store, being impatient while being on hold, waiting for a late client, going where a friend wanted to eat instead of being pushy, being short with my husband.

Perhaps if we all asked ourselves "What are you doing for others?" we'd have a more caring world out there.... one focused on mutual understanding and kindness.

An anxious mind.

I remember when I worked at the hospital clinic, a supervisor asked me once how long I'd had anxiety. I looked at her like she had three heads and said, "Anxiety? I'm not an anxious person!" Later that night, I had to pull the phone away from my ear because my mom's howling laughter was so loud... I had recounted that same story to her, and was hoping for her to confirm the disbelief that I was anxious. With a chuckle, she said, "you're definitely anxious."

One of the things I think that people with anxiety struggle with is that you don't always SEE the anxiety. A lot of my anxiety over the years is wrapped up in my thinking, and the more I became aware of it, the more I saw. It's like 651657 internet tabs open all of the time... Facebook, Pinterest, How to Lose Weight, Decor Ideas for the Office, 30-Minute Meal Ideas, Helping Clients Process Grief, How to Remove Stickers, Essential Oils, Kinds of Aloe Vera, Self-Employment...

Another thing that's a challenge is that when most people think of anxiety, their mind's picture of a person with anxiety is someone who is shy. Someone who might not like being around people. And for sure...... that's not me. I'm an ENFP. I thrive being around people. I love it. I'd talk to a brick wall about something I was passionate about if it would listen. So when I was learning about myself and becoming more aware of my anxiety, this was something I got stuck on.

Enter, this amazing article: 12 Struggles of Having An Outgoing Personality But An Anxious Mind. It speaks to me. It revealed a lot of good stuff. I kept nodding my head in agreement with the words.

I recently shared this article with a client who experiences anxiety and struggles with not wanting to label herself as an anxious person. She said it helped to identify the yin and yang of anxiety... the push to be out there, but the pull inward to protect and preserve.

Letting Go.

Letting go is a phrase that I've uttered no less than a billion times in therapy over the past ten years. It's so difficult to see a client hurting, but even worse when you see that their hurting themselves by holding onto things/memories/people that no longer serve them. The process of letting go can be a challenge, but it's worth it to be able to eventually look back and breathe a sigh of relief that it's over.

Today I was reminded of a hurt that my heart had been carrying for a long time. Too long. One of those hurts where you know that it's unhealthy, but you're not willing to let go of it because it carries memories. To be honest, that's my worst-favorite kind, but it seems to be the hurt that creeps up most often.

At some point last year, I made a conscious effort to let go of the hurt. It hurt a lot... letting it go... but looking back, I realize it was one of the best things I did for myself. For myself, but also, one of the best things for some of my relationships too. I became more present and authentic after letting go. I didn't have to hide anymore. I didn't have to go through the motions of happiness, when I was feeling drained and distracted.

Some people say that courage is facing our demons head-on.... but sometimes, sometimes letting go without looking back is the most courageous thing we can do.

"I've been busy."

It's been 115 days since I wrote a blog entry.
I've been asked several times from friends about why I stopped.
The answer (I've been busy) is easy to say, but the weight of that answer is heavy.

I switched therapy offices.
I didn't get paid for over three months.
I struggled with paying bills.
I wanted to go back to a good paying job, even if it meant feeling less fulfilled.
I was supported 100% by my husband.
I hated that feeling.
I fought with insurance companies.
I wanted to give up.
I didn't understand how something so wonderful could be so stressful.
I wanted to push the "easy button".
I also was teaching at the university, and felt incredibly overwhelmed.
I felt like a fish out of water.
I felt like they had surely made a mistake by hiring me.

Slowly, but surely, things are working out.
I'm getting into a new groove.
I'm feeling back to myself.
I'm establishing myself and building back up.
I'm feeling confident again.

Which means, I'm ready to start writing again. :)

Time.

There are times when we want change to happen now. Or really, if we're being honest, we wanted them to happen yesterday. Our society is so fast paced, that we often discount the effort that goes into making changes.

Saving money for a vacation.
Finding a new job.
Closing on a house.
Finding a new partner.

The Fair Godmother reminds us that even miracles take time. As an adult going back and watching Disney movies from my childhood, it's been so interesting hearing words from songs that I memorized years ago, and finally understanding their meaning. For example....

"No matter how your heart is grieving... if you keep on believing... the dream that you wish will come true."

Of course we know that it pays to be patient. To rest in our current circumstance. To trust that things will work themselves out. But it helps to know that even the Fairy Godmother herself can't make things happen right away. :) Somehow, it helps me to calm down in the hustle and bustle of life.... to stop, and remind myself to keep believing in my dreams, to keep pursuing my goals. It might just take time.

Believe.

There are times... I know... when giving up is easy. When throwing in the towel seems like a much better (and easier) option that putting your head down and going through the crap in order to get to what you want. Obstacles can seem huge in comparison to our dreams.

Of financial freedom.
Of happiness.
Of mastering a class.
Of overcoming a fear.

But something inside of you is bigger than that obstacle. Bigger than the fear of failure. Bigger than anything that you can imagine. Sometimes, it's just that the voice saying "you can do it" is whispering when the voices of doubt are screaming.

On days when I feel like nothing is going to happen the way I'd like and all my dreams that worthless, I try to make a list (or refer back to the list I've already written) and remind myself of my journey. Why I want what I want so badly.

To be my own boss.
To feel comfortable in front of a crowd.
To breathe a little easier after all bills are paid.
To feel good in my own skin.

When obstacles come your way... and they always seem to come when we're feeling good about progress... remind yourself of your capacity to overcome. Remind yourself of what you've already done to overcome, and what you're doing daily to stay in the mindset of success.

Believe.

The truth about Middle Schoolers.

I have vivid memories of school. I was always teacher's pet. I always did my work. I always loved class projects.

But middle school.... was terrible. In 6th grade, I remember making fun of someone for the first time (it was out of jealousy, I remember clearly, but that doesn't make a difference). It was the first time I got in trouble at school for yelling out in class (a boy was relentlessly whispering my name and I had had enough). I got picked on for still tight-rolling my jeans... for not shaving yet... for riding the bus. I had my first holy-cow-real crush and wore his puffy Starter jacket to be cool. I had my first huge blow-up with best friends (a three BFF triangle isn't always the best idea). I had my second holy-cow-real crush, and let him cheat off of me on an English test.

So when this article "10 Truths Middle Schoolers Should Know", I immediately clicked on the link. And every memory from those three horrific (and amazing) years came flooding back to me. My neck hurt from nodding so much in agreement with its words.

I can't help but share it. If you're a parent of middle schoolers... if you're a middle schooler... if you have friends who have middle schoolers. Read. This. Article.

For convenience, I've just copied it below, but here is the article link: CLICK ME

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It's rare to hear anyone say they loved middle school. Even people with positive memories never tout it as the best years of their life.

Simply put, it's an awkward season. It's a time of constant changes, social shake-ups, swinging emotions, and intense pressures. If I've learned anything from working with adolescent girls, it's how hungry this age group is for comfort and reassurance. I hear it in their voices and see it in their eyes whenever I speak to a group, a look of searching and a longing to hear something -- anything -- to help them make sense of things.

Please tell me it gets better, their faces silently plead. Tell me this isn't it.

Well, middle schoolers, I assure you that life picks up. There's a bigger, more promising world beyond this rite of passage. In the meantime, I have 10 truths to center you. I hope they bring you peace and a little friendly guidance.

Truth #10: Today's most awkward moments will be tomorrow's funniest memories. Keep a sense of humor whenever possible.

Those braces on your teeth that collect food? That acne on your face that miracle creams can't cure? That giddy rush you get when your crush walks by, and you can't think, talk, or see straight? One day these things will be really funny! They'll be the memories you rehash again and again with your siblings and oldest friends.

It takes time, but as you gain confidence, your awkward moments become fun to share. You'll readily admit yours and laugh at the comedy and conversation that result.

Eventually you'll have a dazzling smile, clear skin, and someone to love. Your current problems will have closure. So stay mindful of the big picture, and remember that even your worst experiences will pass.

Truth #9: You don't want to peak in middle school (or high school or college, for that matter). The worst goal you can have is popularity. Because what often makes adolescents popular -- running with the fast crowd, dominating your peers, living a superficial lifestyle -- eventually leads to problems.

A truly successful person gets better with time. You go from being version 1.0 of yourself to version 2.0, 4.0, 6.0, and so on. But when you chase popularity, you peak early. You stop growing and improving because you're stuck in instant gratification mode, looking for quick fixes to satisfy your needs.

Make it your goal to peak later in life. Make good choices that set you up for a bright future. If you're not a superstar now, that's OK. This simply means there are better things ahead as you continue to evolve and learn.

Truth #8: Technology makes it easier than ever to ruin relationships and reputations. We live in an age where people post everything online -- feelings, emotions, and pictures. I love technology when it's used wisely, but too often, it's used impulsively. We let our fingers jump ahead of our brains, and within seconds, we can trigger hurt, misunderstandings, and serious issues.

So please, think twice before texting, emailing, or posting on social media. Cool off before giving someone a piece of your mind, venting, jumping to conclusions, reacting out of jealousy or anger, embarrassing someone, or sending an inappropriate photo. Use the Internet for good, not as a dumping ground.

And when you have an issue with a friend, call instead of sending texts. It's easy to put in writing what you'd never say in person, or to interpret a message the wrong way, and the tension this adds to a relationship is hard to recover from.

Truth #7: Surrounding yourself with good company is imperative. There's an old saying that's particularly relevant to your age group: "Show me your friends and I'll show you your future."

Yes, you're called to love everyone, but not everyone deserves a place in your innermost circle. Some people you love up close and personal, and others you love at arm's length because inviting them into your life invites disaster.

Sooner or later, a bad influence will rub off. You'll either make choices against your better judgment or wind up in a predicament. As a mom I know told her daughter, she once went out with a guy who was very sweet to her but also wild. She didn't see the issue until they had their first date -- and he took her to a drug dealer's house.

She told her daughter, "Even though I was innocent, I would have gone to jail if the police had come. I was guilty by association just by being there."

Good friends lift you up. They don't put you in risky or compromising situations. To become the best version of yourself, you need friends who hold themselves to high standards and want you to reach your full potential, too.

Truth #6: What makes you different is what makes you great. Middle school is largely about conformity. I see this firsthand because I live near a middle school, and over time I've noticed how all the kids dress alike, walk alike, and act alike.

Meanwhile, at my children's elementary school, I see authenticity and diverse personalities because the kids don't yet know how to be anything but themselves. It saddens me to know that they, too, will eventually feel pressured to hide what makes them unique.

You'll never influence the world by trying to be like everyone else in it. You'll never find your calling by following the crowd. God made you different for a reason, and what sets you apart plays into His plan for you. So listen to that quiet voice inside you and remember yourself as a child. Cling to the passions you had in your early years, because they hold more answers than you know.

Truth #5: It's OK not to have your life planned out. It's OK if you haven't discovered your "thing." Chances are, you know kids with immense talent and drive. They've trained for years in their area of expertise, and they know exactly what they want in life.

Deep down you may be envious and uncomfortable, because you fear you're getting left behind. You wonder why they have their act together -- and you don't.

But even the best-laid plans will face curveballs. Even the most driven kids will wind up on different paths from those they had originally envisioned. So if your future isn't mapped out by ninth grade, take heart! You're still young and have plenty of time to discover what you were born to do. Just set goals for yourself, use your gifts, and head in a good direction. Set a positive trajectory so that when you do discover your thing, you're ready to soar.

Truth #4: Your uniform is not your identity. Labels are big in middle school, and there's a confidence that comes from wearing a football jersey, cheerleader uniform, or other type of team attire.

But remember that having a uniform -- or even designer clothes -- doesn't increase your worth. You're special because of who you are, not what you put on your body or what you achieve.

Overnight you can lose your place on a team. You can lose your talents, your wardrobe, your relationships, even your Instagram account. But if you base your identity on the one thing you'll never lose -- God's love -- your foundation is unshakable. You'll still be standing even if you lose every earthly trapping this world says is important.

Truth #3: Applause can be misleading. You can make a huge mistake and still get cheered on wildly. Through social media, popularity is now quantifiable. You can gauge your performance by how many "likes," comments, and shares you get.

But remember, numbers alone can be misleading. To get the full picture, you need to measure numbers against the truth. The best applause to live for is the quiet peace inside you. What makes you feel good about yourself? What helps you rest easy at night? Criticizing someone to bring them down or make people laugh won't bring you peace. Neither will watching someone else beat up on a kid as the crowd cheers him on.

You know the truth by how you feel deep down. And when you seek your applause from within, you don't need the applause of public approval.

Truth #2: There's a difference between helpful advice and criticism that holds you back. Be careful who you listen to. Some people want you to succeed. Others don't. Develop a strong filter for whose words you take to heart -- and whose words you ignore.

Some questions to ask yourself are: Do I trust this person? Are they respectable? Do they practice what they preach? Are they the kind of person I hope to become? Do they recognize my talent and potential and encourage me, or do they drag me down by harping on where I fall short?

How others talk to you influences how you talk to yourself. And since that voice in your head impacts your confidence, determination, and willingness to take risks, you want people in your life who speak the truth in love and always with your best interest in mind.

Truth #1: You're AWESOME. Truly, you are. All these crazy changes are leading to something amazing. In the grand scheme of life, middle school is only a blip, so keep it in check. Have fun, dream big, and make good choices. One day you'll look back and laugh at the absurdities of this stage, and, if you're lucky, you'll enjoy a lot of humor now.

This post originally appeared on karikampakis.com. Find Kari on Facebook or check out her new book for teen & tween girls, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, released by Thomas Nelson.

Back to normal.

Church camp.

Family reunion.

A week without my husband (translation: an excuse to be a workaholic).

A girls' weekend.

That's what I've been doing the past month. I didn't realize until I logged on here that it's almost been a month since posting. I feel like I'm that girlfriend who expresses interest and lavishes you with text messages and e-mails constantly.... only to fall off the face of the Earth for a bit until she comes crawling back. Even though I feel terrible for deserting this blog, I also think that I needed the break. To deal with my own life, sort some stuff out, and come back rested and ready for more.

Recharging is so important in life, but too often we feel guilty to lay something down (even if just for a bit) and focus on ourselves and the things that are most important to us. We get so caught up in our routines and wonder how it can be that we're overwhelmed. The truth, I think, is that we just get used to our own chaos and don't realize how much damage we're creating in ourselves. It's funny to me that while I preach this to clients, I'm probably the worst at it. I'm really good at initiating the laying down of things... telling myself that something "has to give"... only to find myself picking it back up a few weeks later when I start to think that I have enough time on my hands to commit to something else.

The title of this blog post is "Back to Normal". Apparently, my normal is being overwhelmed with too many things that I love too much to lay down. At least for now.

The weight of water.

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." 

It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night.

Remember to put the glass down!

{story origin and source unknown}

Chain-link fences.

Healing and forgiveness is no stranger to the therapy world. In some form or fashion, each client I see is working on forgiveness... at times, the forgiveness of others. Most of the time, it's forgiveness of themselves.

The walls of resentment and unforgiveness are a challenge to break down at times because they are mortared with fear... fear that if we let our guard down, that those same hurts will happen again and again. We fear that we're not strong enough to be heartbroken again, we're fearful that our expectations won't be met, we're scared that we deserved the pain.

Last week, talking with a client, I thought of another way to view "the wall". In therapy, we discussed the wall that is built up to protect her from hurt... but that in the process of protecting herself, she feels as though she's missing from other relationships (i.e. the concrete wall that she built to protect herself also prevents other people from engaging with her). We thought, instead, to consider a chain-link fence. 

Protection on both side.
Little holes to pass information back and forth.
Little holes to see things on the other side.

Figuring out boundary-setting after we've been hurt can be a challenge. Unfortunately, the only way to build back trust... is to trust. Even if it's a little sliver of ourselves. The good thing is that it's a lot easier to put up a chain-link fence than a concrete wall. HERE'S a great article on practical steps for healing. Although the examples that the article gives are geared toward abusive situations, I think it can apply to any relationship that might need forgiveness.

Enough.

I read this blog post, and sighed in relief.
Relief to know I'm not the only one that lies awake and thinks.
Of things done.
Of things undone.

I invite you to visit Lexi's blog post -- It's Not What I Think It's About -- and reflect on her thoughts about what life should be about. And I hope you'll try, like I will, to live with aspirations of love. I know I don't do it nearly as much as I need to.... well, really, I need to only live with love. 

We all need to live with love.

Staying in your lane.

When I saw it the first time, I liked it because I was going through a challenging situation and wondering why someone was paying attention to me and my actions. I was aggravated, and wanted the other person to mind their own business instead of getting caught up in my life.

This morning, seeing the same words, I consider the other side of the coin... and it was like a jolt of lightning hit me. I considered my own behaviors... and question why I worry about what other people are doing. What does it matter to me?

I remind myself what I tell my clients all the time.

"Stay in your own lane."

Staying in your own lane means being mindful of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors... paying attention to my stuff, not yours. I need to focus on the changes that I need to make, not keep tabs on your life and what you're doing. I might think it's a little quick for you to move into a relationship.... I might think that you need to budget your money better... I might question why you chose to quit that job that I perceived as good... I might think you're ridiculous for staying in a negative relationship.

But that's none of my business.
That creates stress for me.
And really... truly... dealing with my own stress is a full-time job.

Do what you need to do.

Back in graduate school, a book titled The Gift of Therapy was encouraged for us to read during our practicum class that gets us ready to be in the field of counseling. I don't know about my peers, but I didn't buy it. Nine years into my career, I bought the book a few days ago and find myself wishing that graduate student self would have read it. It's filled with all of these great hints and considerations that an emerging therapist might benefit from in sessions with clients, being present with them and helping them work through challenges. Hindsight is 20/20 though, and I wonder if I would carry the same appreciation that I do now, back then.

In my professional life, I'll admit that there are times when I have to bite my tongue from providing suggestions to clients that I think are best... or to not say "I told you so" when a plan didn't turn out the best. I try to be very aware of my interactions with clients, helping them to find the route that is best for them, developing plans for happiness, and being encouraging and reassuring when those plans are followed through. I know my job isn't to tell a client what they need to do, but to guide them in making decisions themselves.

In the same breath, though, I know that along the timeline of my life that other people have had those same thoughts about me.... knowing that I made choices because they made me happy, despite the feelings of others. I have made decisions that impacted my happiness immediately, but could have contributed to unhappiness down the road. I have had "Doh!" moments where I realized the errors of my ways, and times when I've been completely blind to seeing the consequences of my actions.

As a therapist, I try to pull back when it comes to decision making. There are times when I feel like a trainwreck, and times when I feel relatively put together. (My best friend will tell you that I'm my own therapist at times.) When it comes down to it, we need to do what makes us happy.... and do it. 

Not talk about it excessively.
Not waver 254 times.
We need to close our eyes, say a little prayer, and jump... jump into our life, waves and all.

A dark tunnel.

There are so many analogies out there for describing the importance of seeing through our stressors. In theory, we know that it's important not to avoid our problems, and instead think about the situation and consider possible solutions. But it can be a challenge not to want to react based on our immediate emotions.

Scared. Vulnerable. Weak.

We know it's important to see our situation through. To develop strategies for coping and wait out the storm. At times, it can even seem like things are getting worse before they get better... but we know that change takes time. Change takes effort. Change takes patience.

If you're feeling as though you're going through a dark tunnel, know that you're not alone. You have other people riding the train too. People who can support you and hold your hand. People who can provide words of encouragements. If you sit still, and trust the process of change, you'll soon see sunshine peeking out ahead.

Bother me later.

Last night, I didn't have a lecture to write.
Or papers to grade. In fairness, I spent all afternoon grading them.
Or a voice to practice. Church choir practice is out for the summer.
Or a load of laundry to fold. Well.... one that couldn't stand another day of wrinkles.

Last night, I sat on the edge of my pool with my legs dangling in the water.
Last night, I laid back on the warm concrete of the pool's edge and stared into the sky... noticing satellites orbit the Earth, gazed at the Big Dipper, and picked out what I think to be another planet (since it was brighter than most stars).

I'll have to be honest and tell you that I can't remember the last time I just *was*.
That I just enjoyed the company of what was around me.
Without internet (though, admittedly, I texted with a few people here and there).
Without entertainment from Netflix or Amazon Prime.
Even without music.

There was laughter.
And story-telling.
Reminiscing about how truly wonderful life is.

My goal this summer is to have a lot more of those nights.
Of enjoying the company I choose to be around.
Of laughing until my cheeks hurt.
Of feeling good about where I am. In this moment.

Stress... bother me later. I'm right in the middle of being fantastic.

Feel it.

There are so many times when feeling unsure can seem debilitating. It can feel as though you're drowning, not realizing that you're only in knee-deep water and that all you need to do is stand up. I think it's because we're not comfortable being uncomfortable. We are creatures of habit... keeping the same schedule, and oftentimes, the same feelings. Even if they're not healthy for us.

So often, we try to ignore uncomfortable feelings. We distract ourselves with other tasks, or engage in negative behaviors to avoid feeling true emotions. We don't realize it during the time, but we're setting ourselves up for further destruction. I know that personally, situations never seem to be as big of a deal as how I create it in my mind to be...

I've learned to take a deep breath and unfold the layers. To look at each piece and determine how I perceive the situation. Even if I'm comfortable, I tell myself not to freak out. I remind myself that I'm used to challenges, and I will overcome the next one.