Will this matter?

In different periods of my life, I've seen this question and considered its meaning as I think about the stress of my current situation and worries on my mind. Sometimes, the answer is a loud, resounding "NO" while other times, there is a puzzling "maybe?"

I like to keep the question close by in my thoughts, and pull it out of my resource tool-box to use on those occasions when I need a reality check over something I have been keeping in my mind over and over. Asking yourself "Will this matter a year from now?" might be a great way to help you in clearing out some brain clutter that you've been carrying around with you that no longer serves you any purpose.

**Okay, fine. I'll stop here for a second. Yes, a resource tool-box. You don't have one of those? Yes, it's imaginary. But yes, it's the coolest thing ever. It's got all sorts of things I use to help me figure things out when I need help... a stop sign for when I need to stop my negative thoughts... a set of pom-poms when I need to be my own cheerleader... you get the idea.**

I wonder what would happen if we approached everything we did today with a "will it matter" attitude. If someone cuts us off on the highway... the lunch that we have with friends... the decision to blow off going to the gym after work... spending that extra minute on the phone with your kid. Sometimes, the experiences that we have really DON'T matter in life, and we need to let them go. But sometimes they really DO.

The power of compliments.

Do you ever have difficulty accepting compliments?

Oh, this old thing?

It's no big deal...

Really, I didn't mind.

Take a few minutes, and allow these words to sink in. I promise you might try looking at compliments differently.

When people take the time to give compliments, it's not like they're giving them out with hidden agendas.... but I wonder why we are so apt to push them down instead of accepting them. If someone wants to let you know that they like your new shirt (regardless of whether you bought it on clearance), or if you saved them a seat at the movie theater (even if the rest of the seats were empty) or if they mentioned you did a great job on a project at work (that took you all of 5 minutes to prepare for) -- say thank you.

As the video explains, "Accepting compliments doesn't mean that you are arrogant or conceded, it is healthy for both you and your relationship by validating your partner's thoughts." Whether in dating/marital relationships, friendships, families, work, or even stranger relationships... the next time you are offered a compliment, accept it graciously with a thank you.

Let's get uncomfortable together.

The Hole, by Portia Nelson

Chapter I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

Chapter II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V

I walk down another street.

This fabulous poem written by Portia Nelson is epically one of the best portrayals of the stages of change. For me, as a visual person, I can close my eyes and imagine a person (most often as I imagine this story, it's of myself) walking down a street and falling in. Falling in a hole and freaking out. Grasping for straws. Wondering how in the world this all happened? Who pushed me in? How did I get here?  Never once (or at least very rarely) stopping to consider what I did, to bring myself to the place where I am at the current moment.

Today, I am reminded that I walk down a street. Everyday. And I make a choice on whether I fall into potholes, whether I walk around them, or whether I choose to walk down streets that are smoothly paved. If I fall into a pothole, I recognize that I need to take responsibility for getting there... which means that I need to also take responsibility for getting out too.

Sometimes in life we develop unhealthy habits that are difficult to break. Sometimes we find ourselves not really wanting to break them. 

Because they are comfortable.

They might not really serve us. But they are comfortable. And breaking those habits would mean that we have to learn new ways of living our lives.

Outside of our comfort zones.

Living uncomfortably means... change. Ewwww. I said change. 

But change can be beautiful. Change can be wonderful. Change can be the most exciting thing that you've ever done before. But until you take a chance to get uncomfortable and live outside of your comfort zone, you won't ever get there.

So let's get uncomfortable together.

I'm ready... what about you?

The strength to endure.

Last fall, I worked with a college student who introduced me to this quote. Through the process of working together, we discovered that her hang-up was avoidance... avoiding conflict, avoiding her past, avoiding her mental health issues, avoiding school. She wanted the easy way out. And what she discovered was that it was impossible. What she discovered was that trying to find the easy way out created a hard way.

I wonder if times we all get caught up in wanting the easy life. Maybe not the easy way out of trials and tribulations, but the easy life... an easy-going child instead of one that demands a lot of attention... an easy job instead of one that requires a lot of mental strain... an easy spouse instead of one that requires assertive communication and compromise... an easy dog instead of one that requires all of the destoyable items in the house to be out of its reach.

The truth is, that child that demands a lot of attention will eventually leave your home and be out on their own before you know it (and you'll long for those days of playing dolls with them on the playroom floor), that mental strain job that demands energy might be more rewarding than you give it credit for, that spouse who requires assertive communication and compromise will stay with you through thick and thin, and the dog that destroys everything... well, three out of four isn't bad. :)

Instead of praying for an easy life, we should pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. For difficult lives teach us lessons and can be even more enjoyable than easy ones. If I got everything that I wanted, I know that I most certainly wouldn't be appreciative of everything that I have.

I guess that means that since I don't have an easy life, I must be building up strength...

What would you say?

When the class of 2014 graduated from Warren Easton Charter High School a few weeks ago in New Orleans, Sandra Bullock gave the commencement speech. Sandra has been deeply involved in the church after saving it following Hurricane Katrina. After reading her words, I felt moved to share them this morning...

Bullock opened her speech by saying that was trying to remember her graduation and, oddly, she couldn't remember anything. She remembered how good she looked and then she went back and looked at pictures and she really didn't look so good. She didn't remember anything, because she was so worried about the future. Someone recently asked her, "If you could go back and talk to your younger self, what would you say?" 

"What I would tell my 4-year-old son is what I wish someone would have told me before I stepped out in the world."

She then shared a few key lessons with the graduating class.

1. Stop worrying so much. Stop being scared of the unknown because anything I worried about didn't happen. Other stuff happened but not what I worried about. The unknown we can't do anything about.

2. Raise the bar higher. For some reason, people out there want to see you fail but that's not your problem — that's their problem. I only remember the moments when I tried beyond what I thought I could do, and I do not remember the failures because I didn't. Nothing is a failure. It's just not supposed to work out that way because something better is supposed to come along.

3. You have to dance a little bit in the morning before you leave the house because it changes the way you walk.

4. Eat something green every day, with every meal. Eating green things is good... even for adults.

5. Do not pick your nose in public. How about we don't pick it in private either. It might take a bit more effort to get a tissue, but it gets the job done right away and there is no public humiliation and that can go with a lot of other things as well.

6. When someone you care about hugs you, hug them back with two arms. When you hug someone with two arms, it allows you to lean on somebody and you always need someone to lean on.

7. If someone doesn't want to play with you, it's OK. Not everyone is going to love us. Go find someone who is going to want to play with you and appreciates what you have to offer.

8. Go find your joy. Whatever that is, go find your joy. Are you going to have a good day or are you going to have a great day? Because it's completely up to you. It's what you're going to remember in the end. You're not going to remember how you worried, the what-ifs, the whys, or who wronged you. It's the joy that stays with you.