How far.

It's so easy to focus on the frustration of how far you have to go... the disbelief that you may never get to where you want to be... the worry of what will happen next.
 
It's difficult to remember how far you've come... the obstacles that you've overcome... the courage you have acquired along your journey... the strength to endure another day.
 
But.
 
You are not who you used to be.
You are not where you used to be.
You are here.
You are moving forward.

I want to be a bucket filler.



 

 

There are times when we feel worn out, overwhelmed, and stressed... when we feel as though we have nothing else to give. During those times, I'm reminded of an illustration I heard of a few years ago about a bucket. I've used it in group before a million times. It goes something like this.

 

We have a bucket that starts out empty.

 

Positive things...

People we love.

Self-esteem.

Passions we have - things that "feed" us.

Those things contribute to filling the bucket.

 

Negative things...

People who suck us dry

Selfishness

Not standing up for ourselves.

Being overworked in any and/or all areas of our lives.

Those things are holes that are poked into our bucket.

 

It's up to us to decide whether we surround ourselves with more "bucket fillers" or "hole pokers". We have to pay attention to making sure that we don't exhaust our resources before replenishing them. This morning I read an idea that really resonated with me. I feel like I want to tell it to every person I meet today. I feel like I want to take the entire day to stop and think about what it means to me, and put the madness in my life to rest.

 

Give 100% to the most important things,

instead of 20% to everything.

Remember why.

 

I spent Monday and Tuesday at a conference on Jekyll Island. From Valdosta, the drive to Jekyll is a little over two hours, so the time I had in my car provided good thinking time. I was reminded of how many changes I've experienced over the past few months, and took some time to process where I am in the transition and acceptance of these changes. I thought about where I am and where I'd like to be.

During my conference, one of the sections focused on "finding the fire within", and our discussion took me back to my drive over to the island and evaluating if I was where I needed to be at this time in my life. (I love when things happen in my life that are seemingly unrelated come full circle.) As I sat there in our group, I considered my reflection and whether my fire was mere kindling getting started, a roaring fire in flames, or just burning coals.


I thought about why I started.

What do I feel my purpose is?
... as it relates to me.
... as it relates to clients.
... as it relates to the greater good.

Whether we call it a reflection, an evaluation, or an inventory, taking time out every once in a while to assess where you are and WHY you are here is important. Remembering why you started the journey is critical to preventing burn-out of our behaviors. Recalling the "fire" that was ignited that led you to making changes in your life might be just the motivation you need to rekindle the excitement you once had at your job... of a relationship... of exercising.

I once read a quote that said on days when you don't feel like you have anything give, put your hand over your heart. If it's beating, you have a purpose. Now go out, and give your best today.

Why did you start?

Kinder words.

Have you ever been to the hospital and notice that a patient is asked to rate their "discomfort level" instead of their "pain"? Pain is a more powerful word, and even by just thinking about it, people may actually be more sensitive to experience the sensation than being asked to consider their discomfort.

I wonder sometimes if we are truly aware of the words that we use in our daily vocabulary and the impact that they have on our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors... and those of the people around us. And that if we were to pay attention to them, would we characterize them as being "negative" or "positive"? If you were to be consciously aware of them for a day and tried to think more positively, could you do it?

Here are some examples, along with some alternative options with milder/kinder wording:

- I hate when you leave your dishes in the sink!       - Would you mind putting your dishes in the dishwasher?
- We always have to do things your way.               - I'd like to give some input. I have a few ideas.
- I can't do anything right. I'll never change.            - I know I'll eventually get it right.

Of course, when people talk about positive thinking/talking, I'm not referencing that everything has to be sunshine and rainbows all the time... but there is a clear distinction between negative and neutral/positive. Nobody (including ourselves) want or need to be reminded that we don't measure up to other people. We are already our own biggest critic. We need to be uplifted and encouraged. Using kinder words is a good place to start, especially with our own self-talk.

Win or learn.

You've heard the phrase... win or lose. As I grow through life -- yep, you read correctly, GROW through life -- I've come to realize that it's not about winning or losing. It's not about being right or wrong. It's about learning.

I'm not always going to win. I'm not always going to come out on top. I'm not always going to have all of the answers or get things right the first time.

And that's okay.

Because hopefully.
Hopefully.

Hopefully, I'm going to learn.


During my times of learning, I hope that I will capture small nuggets of information that I will be able to carry with me on my journey and apply during occasions where I am faced with similar challenges and struggles. I hope that there will be opportunities for growth. And that I will learn lessons so that I will make better decisions.

During my times of winning, I hope that I will have a sense of humility to be happy for myself but not proud. And to not forget that although I may be winning this time, that just around the corner is an opportunity begging for a chance to allow me to learn. Or that I was milliseconds away from learning instead of winning.

Win or learn. But never lose.