Dancing In The Rain.

Have you ever been bummed out? Have you ever really hoped for something, and it just didn't turn out? How did you handle it? Did you complain? Did you spend efforts in a pity party? Or did you maybe, just maybe, dance in the rain?

On this rainy Wednesday, I wanted to focus on gratitude and remind myself of all of the awesome things in my life that I treasure. Even though I don't have everything, I have more than some.

I encourage you to do the same.

- Life challenges that encourage me to change my perspectives
- Encouraging text messages from friends
- Creativity
- Assertiveness (that whole, practice what you preach thing)
- Birthday cake ice cream
- Warm embraces from family and friends
- Phone calls from long-distance loved ones
- Baking, especially cupcakes
- Good hard laughter

On days where things look bleak or when it seems as though nothing seems to be going my way, it is important for me to remember what IS going right and to refocus my attitude on gratitude!

No.

I used to be a people pleaser (some people who know me might still characterize me as such). Getting "the look" from my mom when I was little would send me into a tailspin of tears.

I hate disappointing people and hurting their feelings.

But what happens when my feelings get hurt?

What do I do about that?

No one ever told me that there is a fine line between helping others, and neglecting the self. I had to figure that out for myself. A few years into my therapy career, a co-worker of mine shared this little bit of wisdom that completely changed my viewpoint on the word NO. I'd like to share it with you today.

The word NO is an acronym. It stands for Not Obligated.

I am not obligated to do things for people if I don't have the time. Or if I don't have the money. Or if I simply do not want to. And I don't have to give a reason for it. I don't need to develop an excuse for it, or promise that the next time they need something done that I'll be their gal. It means no, plain and simple... move along to the next person please.

The downfall of being a people pleaser is that other people get used to using you. Granted, they may not do it on purpose or do so maliciously. But they know that you'll say yes. So they ask. And because you will feel guilty, you will say yes. You put your needs and wants to the back burner. They deserve to be at the front.

Rather than saying yes to everything, wouldn't it be nice to be able to do the things you really enjoy and to be able to do them with a full heart... to be able to accept an offer with excitement and look forward to giving as much of yourself into an opportunity, instead of feeling that you are spread too thin in work, church, the community, or in relationships?

Do you need to say no today, so that you can say yes more often?

Let Go

One of the most important, but oftentimes challenging, things that we do in life is let go.

Of relationships.
Of expectations of ourselves and others.
Of grief and anger and resentment.

The most freeing experiences I have ever had in life is when I let go of a person or situation in my life that no longer serves me purpose. So often I have been wrestling with myself for weeks or months before making a decision that by the time my burden is lifted, I literally feel lighter. No longer are there negative thoughts that cross my mind, butterflies (not the good kind) when I am a negative situation, or that "nail on a chalkboard" sensation when I hear the person's voice.

I wonder why we don't let go more often.

I think it's because sometimes we feel like we somehow deserve it, or rather feel as though we are not deserving of the freedom of being without our burdens. Or maybe if we let go of a person in our life, that we'd hurt their feelings (nevermind all of the times that person has hurt OUR feelings). Maybe if we let go of memories of the past, that we will somehow make ourselves vulnerable to put ourselves back in those same situations to be hurt again.

Letting go does not mean that we erase our past or forget the things that happened to us. If we are faced with letting go something another person did, it doesn't mean that the other person will change their behaviors. After all, we can't control anyone else in life. We can only control our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Letting go just means that we are releasing emotional pain attached to our life experiences, and are choosing happiness instead.

The Perfect Date

A perfect date.
Does it really exist?
If you are looking for it, doesn't that really put a lot of expectation on you, and the person you are dating?
Maybe Ms. Rhode Island can give us some thoughts... 



Okay, so maybe Ms. Rhode Island has a completely different idea of what a perfect date is...

Perfection can lead to unrealistic expectations.

Do we always have to spend this much money going out?
Do I always have to get this dressed up?
Do I always have to be on my best behavior?
Do I always have to suck my gut in and push my boobs out (seriously, I'm being honest here)?
Do I always have to laugh at his stupid jokes?
Will she always laugh with that high-pitched squeal?

Maybe a perfect date really is just jeans and a comfortable t-shirt at your favorite casual restaurant. Maybe its even a dutch treat.  

Rough Days

I have no idea who this Vinny guy is, but he's brilliant. His words are simple, yet powerful. To me, Vinny's words are a reminder that during the days that are most challenging, we need to slow down... take a breather... remind ourselves that we CAN make it over whatever hurdle we are trying to cross. True, our burdens may be heavy. Our tests may be difficult. Our circumstances may be overwhelming. But our situation is not impossible.

And sometimes, that's nice to hear.