A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything."
It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses. As early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don't carry them through the evening and into the night.
Remember to put the glass down!
{story origin and source unknown}
Healing and forgiveness is no stranger to the therapy world. In some form or fashion, each client I see is working on forgiveness... at times, the forgiveness of others. Most of the time, it's forgiveness of themselves.
The walls of resentment and unforgiveness are a challenge to break down at times because they are mortared with fear... fear that if we let our guard down, that those same hurts will happen again and again. We fear that we're not strong enough to be heartbroken again, we're fearful that our expectations won't be met, we're scared that we deserved the pain.
Last week, talking with a client, I thought of another way to view "the wall". In therapy, we discussed the wall that is built up to protect her from hurt... but that in the process of protecting herself, she feels as though she's missing from other relationships (i.e. the concrete wall that she built to protect herself also prevents other people from engaging with her). We thought, instead, to consider a chain-link fence.
Protection on both side.
Little holes to pass information back and forth.
Little holes to see things on the other side.
Figuring out boundary-setting after we've been hurt can be a challenge. Unfortunately, the only way to build back trust... is to trust. Even if it's a little sliver of ourselves. The good thing is that it's a lot easier to put up a chain-link fence than a concrete wall. HERE'S a great article on practical steps for healing. Although the examples that the article gives are geared toward abusive situations, I think it can apply to any relationship that might need forgiveness.
I read this blog post, and sighed in relief.
Relief to know I'm not the only one that lies awake and thinks.
Of things done.
Of things undone.
I invite you to visit Lexi's blog post -- It's Not What I Think It's About -- and reflect on her thoughts about what life should be about. And I hope you'll try, like I will, to live with aspirations of love. I know I don't do it nearly as much as I need to.... well, really, I need to only live with love.
We all need to live with love.
When I saw it the first time, I liked it because I was going through a challenging situation and wondering why someone was paying attention to me and my actions. I was aggravated, and wanted the other person to mind their own business instead of getting caught up in my life.
This morning, seeing the same words, I consider the other side of the coin... and it was like a jolt of lightning hit me. I considered my own behaviors... and question why I worry about what other people are doing. What does it matter to me?
I remind myself what I tell my clients all the time.
"Stay in your own lane."
Staying in your own lane means being mindful of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors... paying attention to my stuff, not yours. I need to focus on the changes that I need to make, not keep tabs on your life and what you're doing. I might think it's a little quick for you to move into a relationship.... I might think that you need to budget your money better... I might question why you chose to quit that job that I perceived as good... I might think you're ridiculous for staying in a negative relationship.
But that's none of my business.
That creates stress for me.
And really... truly... dealing with my own stress is a full-time job.
