Healing and forgiveness is no stranger to the therapy world. In some form or fashion, each client I see is working on forgiveness... at times, the forgiveness of others. Most of the time, it's forgiveness of themselves.
The walls of resentment and unforgiveness are a challenge to break down at times because they are mortared with fear... fear that if we let our guard down, that those same hurts will happen again and again. We fear that we're not strong enough to be heartbroken again, we're fearful that our expectations won't be met, we're scared that we deserved the pain.
Last week, talking with a client, I thought of another way to view "the wall". In therapy, we discussed the wall that is built up to protect her from hurt... but that in the process of protecting herself, she feels as though she's missing from other relationships (i.e. the concrete wall that she built to protect herself also prevents other people from engaging with her). We thought, instead, to consider a chain-link fence.
Protection on both side.
Little holes to pass information back and forth.
Little holes to see things on the other side.
Figuring out boundary-setting after we've been hurt can be a challenge. Unfortunately, the only way to build back trust... is to trust. Even if it's a little sliver of ourselves. The good thing is that it's a lot easier to put up a chain-link fence than a concrete wall. HERE'S a great article on practical steps for healing. Although the examples that the article gives are geared toward abusive situations, I think it can apply to any relationship that might need forgiveness.
No comments:
Post a Comment