When I saw it the first time, I liked it because I was going through a challenging situation and wondering why someone was paying attention to me and my actions. I was aggravated, and wanted the other person to mind their own business instead of getting caught up in my life.
This morning, seeing the same words, I consider the other side of the coin... and it was like a jolt of lightning hit me. I considered my own behaviors... and question why I worry about what other people are doing. What does it matter to me?
I remind myself what I tell my clients all the time.
"Stay in your own lane."
Staying in your own lane means being mindful of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors... paying attention to my stuff, not yours. I need to focus on the changes that I need to make, not keep tabs on your life and what you're doing. I might think it's a little quick for you to move into a relationship.... I might think that you need to budget your money better... I might question why you chose to quit that job that I perceived as good... I might think you're ridiculous for staying in a negative relationship.
But that's none of my business.
That creates stress for me.
And really... truly... dealing with my own stress is a full-time job.
Stay in my own lane. I'd like to do that. I'd actually like to stay on the porch and not even get out but for a Sunday drive. But I can't -- because where I am in life. I'm in my second handful of decades and am blessed to have both of my parents and both of my spouse's parents. (long pause to really give thanks)
ReplyDeleteThe last few years we've struggled with their behaviors akin to ages twos, fifteen and eighteen. The common words spoken or behaved: "no" and "I don't want to." Makes me think back to all the stress I produced at those specific ages.
Some problems are self-inflicted, some are hereditary. Most could improve by heeding the advice of professionals they have seen. The domino effect could stop. But by choice, they don't.
I've not been able to find a place of peace with these four people I love. Apathy gives way to abandonment (on both sides). Space repetition reminders create resentment (on both sides). Ignoring the elephant in the room has resulted in several crisis interventions.
We're caught in Atlanta rush hour at the interchange of Interstates 75 and 285... on riding lawn mower! There isn't a lane we can be in safely.
The good I acknowledge is I'm experiencing these difficulties times with my spouse. We make time for one another - away from our parents.
How do we guard ourselves from resenting mannerisms we have that match our parents- i.e. items kept is going to wind up 'like your dad's garage of junk" ?