Friday, December 26, 2014

Good intentions.


I'm reflecting on my Christmas... which was full of family and food and stories. It was also full of expectations and side-way glances. I've learned that my memories of family members when I was younger doesn't always match up to the reality. Sometimes that's a bummer to face... but other times, it's a welcomed refresher.

Preparing for my trip to see family, I'd been thinking about not wanting to do it. It's so much easier to stay in my comfort bubble. To stay home and spend the holidays with friends. Friends who have similar interests. Similar viewpoints. Basically, I wanted to avoid the drama.

But last night, surrounded my family in a tiny cramped (but cozy) vacation apartment, I realized something.

We are not perfect.
And everyone wasn't there.
And some people I get along with better than others.

But.

I realize that I need to give up on grudges and just be happy to have family.
I realize that I don't have a perfect family or have perfect memories and that it's okay.
I realize that I need to cherish the goofy stories that make everyone roll their eyes.

At the end of the day, I am at peace.
I realize that our intentions are good and our hearts our pure.


Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Alrightynot.


Have you ever felt this way?
Felt alrightynot?

Have you ever felt as though, really, everything is fine?
In the nothing-emergent-is-happening kind of way.
But at the same time, there's a tiny bit of awful going on inside of you too?

Sometimes I get this way when I'm on the brink of something.
The brink of a decision.
The brink of a change.
The brink of something that has the capacity to be amazing.

But fear grabs ahold... infests itself, and I find myself alrightynot.

Fear puts doubt in my mind.
Fear clouds the opportunity for growth.
Fear prevents me from seeing that the pros outweigh the cons.

When I'm feeling alrightynot, I turn to others.
I turn to my support group for... well, support.
To process my awfulness.
To remind myself of my fineness.
To dispel the myths that my alrightynot has created in my mind.

I am thankful for my support system.
I am thankful that my brain equips me with a rational side.
The rational side that allows me to pull back and look at the big picture.

The big picture that shows that I have a lot of fine... and just an ity-bitty awful.
That the awesome and amazing things about my life far outweigh the fear.

Monday, December 22, 2014

12 Days of Christmas... from your therapist.


Forget ladies dancing and drummers drumming.... for Christmas this year,
your therapist has a few gift offerings.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my therapist gave to me:

12 steps for living in recovery
11 tips for conflict resolution
10 self-care techniques
9 Amazon book recommendations
8 positive affirmations
7 ways to distract from anxiety
6 life-enrichment TED talks
FIVE RULES FOR ANGER
4 relaxation tapes
3 reminders to challenge negative thinking
2 print-outs to manage panic attacks
And a journal to record your thoughts and feelings!




Friday, December 19, 2014

Your own skin.


In a meeting with a client this morning, she admitted the following statement to me...

"I'm addicted to everything but myself."

It takes everything in my being not to shake her. To not give her a list of all of the reasons why she should be excited about her recovery journey. To not try to make her see that she's making a mountain out of the molehill that are her problems. To not want to take her home with me and provide the structure, accountability, and support that she so desperately needs.

But, of course, I do none of the above.

I look at her with caring eyes and an empathic heart, and tell her that I know she's struggling. I tell her that I know the journey is difficult. I tell her that while it might not seem worth it now, the journey begins with a new step each day. I tell her that I believe in her.

Therapy is hard.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's harder on the client, or harder on the therapist...

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

You're allowed.


Sometimes, I forget to breathe.
I forget to take a moment to process my thoughts.
I forget that I need to take one thing at a time.
I forget that life is a process and not an event.

With everything going on this last week before Christmas, I know there are people who need to read this. In the hustle and bustle of getting just the right present... or finding spare money for presents... or having to face difficult family members... or having to come to terms with not seeing family members this year.

We're allowed to cry.
We're allowed to scream.
But we're not allowed to give up.

You'll make it through.
And so will I.
We will be okay.

Just remember to breathe.

Monday, December 15, 2014

I appreciate you.



I remember once having a family member who would give me money if I did things for him. And one time, I worked for a man who would buy "I'm sorrys" with doughnuts or sweet treats. Perhaps it's my dominant Love Language coming out, but to this Words of Affirmation chick, no amount of money or doughnuts is better than an "I appreciate you."

I think that we as a society do a terrible job of showing appreciation to others. Long gone are thank-you notes... you know, those things we used to have to write to family members before we played with toys? People seem to have taken on an entitled mentality these days. As if things are meant to happen well for them. As if they are deserving, despite no effort.

Now, I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I forget to share appreciation to others from time to time. But I do try to remember to give thanks. To let people know that I care about them and our relationship.

Just in case you're needing a reminder to show a little love today, I appreciate you. I appreciate you reading my little blog. A mixture of therapy thoughts, and my own therapist via keyboard. :)

I'm off to write a note.
With a real stamp.

Won't you join me?

Thursday, December 11, 2014

You are one.


This image hit me hard. In a world where people are so selfish and focused inwardly, it's very hard to be a person who gives. We almost feel as though there is something wrong with us because we think about people before ourselves.

I had a therapy session the other week where my client talked about frustrations of being in college with so many people who only think about themselves. It has caused her a lot of stress not fitting in, and feeling resentful to friends who haven't reached out to her. She talked about how she tries asking people about how they are doing and offering help... but hardly sees it reciprocated back to her. My heart ached for her, identified with her, and we worked toward finding peace with herself instead of looking to others.

This image strikes me because I need to remember the importance of taking time out for myself, taking time to care for myself. Life isn't about giving until we have nothing left to give... it's about taking care of ourselves so that we CAN give of ourselves to others.


Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Start changing.


It is sooooo difficult at times not to compare ourselves to others. Not to wish for things they have, to do things they've done, to have the life they have. It's a challenge not to think that the grass is greener on their side.

When that happens to me, I need to give myself a reality check... and think about things in terms of appreciating what I have and setting goals for growth. If I want a better living situation, I need to act on it. If I want to be happier, I need to think about what brings me joy and contentment and do those things more often.

It's amazing to consider everything that we have control over in our lives. We have the power to change so much... but so often find ourselves complaining about it instead of changing it.

Stop complaining.
Start changing.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Peace.


The best feeling in the world.

No more pain.
No more stress.
No more second-guessing.
No more anger.
No more anxiety.
No more disappointment.
No more sadness.
No more confusion.

A funny thing happens when we find peace in our hearts. Other emotions that we might not have felt in a long time come to surface, and we feel lighter. So much lighter.

The best feeling in the world.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Moderation.


Clearly, Goldilocks was on the hunt for lagom when she busted up into the Three Bears' home in one of the most famous children stories ever. She knew that momma bear's porridge wasn't hot enough... and she knew papa bear's porridge was too hot. Thank goodness baby bear's porridge was spot on!

Like Goldilocks, one of the most challenging things in life is the search for moderation.

In relationships.
In eating.
In feel-good behaviors.
In emotions.

Moderation means that it's okay to engage in things, as long as we find a balance with it and other things in our lives. Relationships are wonderful, but isolating yourself and getting wrapped up in just one person isn't healthy. Eating is good and important, but eating a dozen cupcakes isn't healthy... and on the flip side, eating only celery isn't either. Behaviors like work and exercise are healthy, but doing them to excess isn't. Emotions are very important, but experiencing them in excess can be harmful.

Moderation means no denying yourself, but not over-indulging either. And sometimes, it's admittedly difficult to push the pause button on things that we like. But setting limits and boundaries with ourselves is one of the most important lessons that we can learn in life. Knowing when to say yes, and when to say no, and doing both at the appropriate times.

Not too little, not too much. Just right. Lagom.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Burning the candle at both ends.


Do you ever feel like a slacker in your life? Maybe you're maintaining things alright, but you're not being truly involved or present or invested. Those times really stink for me. And it happens most often when I try to be everything for everyone else. In the process, I lose who I am.
I recently had an experience where my husband brought to light that I was being a slacker... and it hit me hard. I've been stretching myself really thin in the past month or so, and I know that it probably won't end until Christmas. I know that I tend to bite off more than I can chew. I know that I over-commit myself. I know that I burn the candle at both ends.

The problem (perhaps) is that I don't mind it. At least not until someone brings it to my attention... because then I feel terrible about it. I get so excited about things and on-board with so many different projects, that I know I'm not giving my all. My best effort. My whole self. Instead, it's as if I'm giving 10 different things only 10% of myself. Which is pretty crappy when you think about it. There are times in my life when I reflect back and can identify major growth points for myself... maturing in relationships, spending quality time with others, being more assertive. But there are other times when I see myself repeating the same behavior pattern over and over again. And obviously, by typing this out it means that I'm aware of it... so I can't blame it on ignorance. :)

I wish I could say that I resolve to address this issue in my life. That I will set better boundaries with myself and say no when I don't have time or can't commit my all. But I know that I'll fall short. I know that if someone important to me asks for something, I'm going to do it. If a client wants a late appointment, I'm going to stay. If I have a chance to spend time with friends over cleaning my house, I'm going to spend time with them.

So, I guess I just accept this frustrating part of myself. I work with it the best I can... try to set boundaries when I realize I'm getting overwhelmed... and ride out the chaos.



I hope I'm not the only one out there. Bueller? Bueller?

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thankful.


Today I'm thankful.
Thankful for good times.
Thankful for good memories.
Thankful for bad times.
Thankful for good lessons.



Today I am thankful that everything doesn't go as planned. That I don't always get my way. That, despite tears and hurtful feelings, that I have opportunities to mend situations. I'm thankful for lessons that afford me an opportunity to grow as an individual... opportunities to utilize coping skills and that when the time is right, that things get better.

I'm thankful for laughter.
I'm thankful for relationships with others.
I'm thankful for love.
I'm thankful for family and friends.
I'm thankful for my job.

Today I am thankful.
I hope that you are too.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Your voice.


I needed this today.
A reminder to be aware of myself more.
A reminder of the purpose of my voice, my ears, my hands, my mind.
A reminder of the purpose of my heart.
Which is to love.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Raising daughters.


I love reading blogs of other people. I have a list of about 6-8 I read on a regular basis. Some I check out everyday, and others I get marathon dose of every week or so. I think what I enjoy so much is reading about people and their lives... whether its personal sharing, providing tips and tricks for maintaining home life, sharing artistic material... I feel like by reading their words it's like a personal conversation I'm having with them about life. Well, at least the good blogs make me feel that way. :)

I read a blog recently that linked THIS  blog post from the Good Men Project, a website dedicated to open conversation about what it's like to be a man in the 21st century... the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's actually a really interesting website, and I was surprised to find myself lingering around for more than just this one blog post.

At any rate, I love this post. A list of 25 rules for dads who are raising daughters. I guess it pulled me in for a number of reasons. Perhaps I wish my own father would have read this way back when. Perhaps it's for the dads (okay, one dad) who may be reading this blog. Perhaps it's for the moms who read this and who can pass it along to their partners. Perhaps it's for me, and to understand that even though my childhood wasn't typical, my mom taught me these same things...

My favorites are below. I hope you'll take time to read the entire list using the link above.

1. Tell her she’s pretty, but tell her other good things about herself more. It’s not that telling a girl she’s pretty is bad. It’s not. The point is that it shouldn’t be the only kind of compliment she gets, so she doesn’t feel that only her appearance matters. Compliment her intelligence, her resourcefulness, her imagination, her hard work, and her strength. Don’t pretend that her looks will never matter, but teach her not to judge herself or let herself be judged only on looks.

2. Teach her that handymen don’t have to be men. Checklist of things to teach her: routine car maintenance, how to stop a toilet from overflowing, how to set a mousetrap, how to use the fuse box, how to turn off the water main. There’s nothing wrong with needing help to get things done, but self-reliance and confidence are handy if you need to change a tire, fix a toilet, or even squish a bug without needing a rescuer to do it for you.

3. Teach her honesty and integrity in relationships by demonstrating them in yours. “Honesty and integrity in relationships” doesn’t mean blind devotion. It means living a life consistent with the values you hold dear, and helping the people you love to live consistent with theirs. Live the integrity you hope she’ll choose for herself. 

4. Teach her about male sexuality without fear-mongering. It’s tempting to tell her that boys are bad, that sex is evil and that guys only want one thing… But we know from the last 50 years of Sex Education that this tactic simply doesn’t work, and it damages both boys and girls in the process. Girls learn to fear boys and see them as one-dimensional, or they learn that their parents have been lying all along. Teach her that respect is key, and both boys and girls deserve it and are able to give it.

5. Look her in the eyes and have a real conversation at least once every single day that you’re together. Even if it’s just about My Little Pony or Justin Bieber.


Friday, November 21, 2014

So what?






Not meant to be rude.
Not meant to be harsh.
Not meant to be unsupportive.

Meant to be real.

In our world of coddling and spoon feeding, it can be easy to expect the world to stop when something bad happens to us. But you know what?

It keeps going.

And we do too. We keep being alive, and it's up to us on what to do with our lives. Are we going to fall into a cesspool of our own negativity? Are we going to cry ourselves into an oblivion for three months? Are we going to drown in our doubts?

Or are we going to start over...

Start fresh.
Make goals.
Network with others.
Find a way around our sorrow.

So many times when we are plagued with defeat, it's from our own thinking. Sure, you might have failed a test. And had your heart broken. But these experienced happened, and we need to acknowledge them and move forward. They don't define your truth. They are merely a page in your manuscript of life. But if you never turn the page from where you are struggling, you'll never realize that you have blank pages yet to fill.

You have amazingness to live.
You have love to share with others.
You have talent to give to a new job.

Even if you don't feel it, it's there. Small, but there. Give yourself patience, and love, and support... and it will grow. Grow into a overwhelming sense of power that you can overcome your struggles.

Just as you always have before.

You are a survivor.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Just be.


In case you need a reminder today... or tomorrow... or on that day when you feel like a push-me-pull-you.

It's okay just to be.

Not losing yourself in responsibilities or obligations.
Not being rushed from one place to another.
Not feeling as though you are in a whirlwind of activity.
Not wondering which side is up.

I hope you find time to "just be" really soon.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Things that are likely to annoy you...


Do you remember this amazing show? The $25,000 Pyramid. I remember watching reruns, and shouting out my answers to the television screen. I remember getting so excited for the winners... and so bummed out for the people who were thisclose to winning, only to get stuck on thinking of clues to give for "What a girdle might say".

For some reason, the $25,000 Pyramid came to mind this morning when I was considering the things in life that annoy me. Small things. Big things. Honestly, things that shouldn't even matter to me... but do. No doubt that I would be able to rattle off a laundry list if given an opportunity to give clues for "Things that are likely to annoy you".

I read a blog recently that talked about how annoying things in life are like splinters to your brain... they don't really stop us from functioning, but they're really bothersome.

Going to the grocery store after work, and realizing there are only two lanes open.
The co-worker next to you who talks loud enough to be heard over a jet engine.
Drying your hair in the morning, only to have it start raining as soon as you get to work.

I'm sure there are better examples that I can give, but these "splinters" in life are annoying. The best thing for me to do is try to pull back and evaluate. I tell my clients to think about the bigger picture... is it worth it for me to get worked up about this, or do I need to just move on? While I'm in the extremely long grocery line, it could afford me time to catch up on my e-mail. Or organize my shopping cart to make bagging easier (okay, yes, that's another annoyance of mine... canned goods and fresh bread don't belong in the same bag). Or maybe, this is an opportunity to practice my patience. To remind myself that the world doesn't revolve around me.

Sometimes, the things that annoy me are trivial.
Sometimes, they hit my core because it's something I need to work on in myself.

Either way, I need to use it as an opportunity to grow.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Did I?


Sometimes I lay awake at night and think about the day I just experienced. Other times I also think about the week before... or things that happened ten years ago. I wish I could apply the recovery slogan "one day a time" and remind myself to focus only on 24 hours.

But I think something is wrong with my thinking. There's always something swirling. At times, my thinking can be very productive. There are also occasions where my thinking prevents me from enjoying the moment I'm in and experiencing all that I can.

I like this suggestion, and plan to apply it tonight.

Did I love enough?
Did I laugh enough?
Did I make a difference?

Focus on those three questions, and let the rest go.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Better than yesterday.



I tried to collect my thoughts yesterday about Veteran's Day... apparently I needed an extra day to consider everything.

Since beginning my career, I've had an incredible honor of working very closely with the military. Mostly, it's been serving clients who are in need of assist developing coping skills to deal with, and move through, challenges that present themselves as a result of their duty -- whether it be anxiety, family stress, depression, or issues related to trauma. I'll be honest and say that the military population is one of my favorites.

Mostly because they're incredibly resilient.

Despite their struggle.
Despite their frustrations.
Despite the desire to give up.

They keep going.

And I am humbled to have the opportunity to assist in that change process. It isn't always easy, and the road is much longer than trips to my office on a regular basis. But change, no matter how small, is change. Every day, striving to be better than you were the day before.

I wish we honored veterans more often. They deserve it. Perhaps this was my way of extending the moment... needing an extra day to collect my thoughts on the powerful sacrifice of men and women in our military.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Keep calm.


Last week I shared my thoughts on maintaining your sanity during the holiday season. I'd like to offer a few ideas on how you can cope with the holidays and deal with your thoughts and feelings about the season in a healthy way. If you feel guilty for saying no to someone, consider ways in which the time you do have can be used for useful tasks. If you are missing a loved one this holiday season, donate something in their memory to an organization of your choice (i.e. a sweater that your father would have loved to a local nursing home).

Here are some other things that might help…
  
- Escape yourself. Help others by adopting a family, filling an Operation Christmas Child shoe box, or visit a shut-in from your church congregation. Getting out of your own head for a while will be good for you.

- Stop the unhealthy thoughts. Find healthy distractions when you are ruminating on negative things. Read a good book, watch a Hallmark movie, work on a puzzle, or write a letter to a friend.

- Enjoy traditions. Even if things have changed over the years, consider ways that you can hold true to the traditions you find meaningful in your life. Or, create new traditions for you and your family.

- Stay in community. Stay involved with others instead of isolating to yourself. Dealing with the holidays can generate feelings of depression and feelings of anxiety. Despite the urge to pull away, encouraging yourself to stay involved with others will be helpful in reducing your negative thoughts and feelings.

- Ask for what you need. Since mind reading is an impossible art, your friends and family aren’t going to know how you feel or attend to your needs if you don’t clearly communicate with them. If you are overwhelmed with the thought of hosting Christmas dinner, ask a family member to help cook food to lighten your load. If you know that you’ll be asked 496 times about why you haven’t found a good man to marry, consider wearing a shirt that says “Single and Lovin' It” (I’m only kidding… sort of).

The key to the holiday season, for me, is to maintain my positive thoughts. When I get worked up in trying to find the perfect gift... trying to find the perfect outfit to wear at the Christmas party... trying to make the perfect dessert for Thanksgiving... I lose sight of what the holidays are about. The holidays aren't about STUFF. The holidays are about people. Nurturing relationships, communing together, and laughing until our bellies hurt. In order to keep that spirit alive, I need to be mindful of ways to avoid stress, to keep calm, and to enjoy the season to its fullest.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Reach for it.


I have a friend.
He's a dad.
It's one of my favorite things about him.
Seeing him interact with his children.
The way his face lights up.
The way they laugh just like him.
Seeing his eyes roll when they talk about dating.
Hearing stories about their adventures together.
Helping them find their way in life.

When I say Joyce Maynard's quote above, I thought of my friend. I thought of parenting the RIGHT way. The way that doesn't include setting unrealistic expectations, criticizing as a way of changing behaviors, or engaging in a "do as I say, not as I do" manner... but instead the way that encourages personal growth, showing respect, and providing unyielding love.

Being a good parent means being a good person.
Leading by example.
And showing your children how to reach for the sun.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Great expectations.


In England, the word “holiday” means a vacation. Most Americans would laugh to consider the same word and its meaning. A holiday is something of rest and relaxation… hardly what is involved in an American holiday season.

While a lot of people think about the holidays as being a time for happiness and festivities, family time and food, others take the season to bring to surface feelings of anxiety, sadness, and frustration. Worries over being able to afford presents for your family members. Sadness over memories of loved ones who have passed. Frustration over being void of that “feel good” feeling that everyone else seems to have this time of year. Even good stress can be overwhelming. The looming anxiety related to decorating your house and having everything “just so”. The anticipation of inviting family over for a Thanksgiving meal and preparing enough food.

When working with clients, I encourage them to consider the ways in which stress affects them. Their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors associated with stress. Do they tend to shy away or isolate from others during this time of the year? Do they become more irritable and on edge when having to divide their time so much between work parties, present shopping, and carpooling the kids for caroling? Paying attention to our bodies can give us clues to the ways in which our bodies respond to stress, and can indicate warning signs that we’re taking on too much. 

One of the major contributors to stress for me is expectations… the preparation or anticipation of the holidays. We tend to over-complicate holidays which often puts unwanted pressure on ourselves and others. We think of how the holidays SHOULD be… and we’re in pursuit of the perfect holiday. Perfect presents (both given and received), perfect parties, and perfect presentations. Instead of spinning out of control this year, consider these three questions for adjusting expectations and finding balance in your holiday. 

-  Do I have to? Most likely, the answer is no. You don’t need to go to Uncle Bob’s house at Thanksgiving… you don’t need to buy the newest and greatest – and most expensive – toy for your children… you don’t need to buy a gift for all of your neighbors. 
-  Why am I doing this if it’s making me miserable? A lot of people fulfill obligations of others and find themselves denying their own feelings. Just because you’ve “always done things this way” doesn’t mean that you can’t change a tradition or create a new one for yourself.
 -  What would help me enjoy the holidays more? Thinking about what would help you enjoy the holidays more might assist you in zoning in on the areas that need work the most. Even if you want to spend some time with your family doesn’t mean you need to stay for an entire week… a long weekend will do. Instead of buying each person in your family a gift, consider a gift exchange. 

The holidays are not meant to be stressful. They're meant to be meaningful. They are meant to be celebrated. By adjusting our expectations and being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors during this time, we will be more capable of handling moments of stress and prevent them from ruining our holiday experience.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Hot mess.






I'm starting to think that I should rename this blog "Confessions of a Therapist."

I'm sure there's a name for what I have. Procrastinator meets super prepared... all mashed into one.

For example.

I bought my custom Christmas cards before Halloween.
I stayed up well past midnight last night preparing a bible study for this evening.
I packed my vacation bag a week in advance.
I don't throw away leftovers until they are well beyond the edible phase.
I buy birthday and other special occasion cards a month in advance.
Rarely do I remember to send them out.
I have already scheduled and planned three Christmas parties. Yes, even the menus.
I haven't taken a shower yet and need to be at work in less than an hour.

I've decided that my brain has issues. Issues of excitement and dread. Issues of incredible planning, and complete absent-mindedness. I think this is what happens to a lot of people who who want to do well in the world. People who look out for others, and sometimes forget about themselves. People who get excited about projects and opportunities, and forget the small details in life that are everyday responsibilities.
Sometimes it's important for me to pull back... before I run away with another creative idea or find another new cupcake recipe to try and bake. I need to ask myself if I've taken care of the other responsibilities I have. Sometimes (okay, a lot of the time) I am a procrastinator for the mundane, and super prepared for the fun and exciting. And that's not always a good thing.

Seeking balance.
Or, rather, needing balance.
Perhaps that's the name for what I have...

Friday, October 31, 2014

Happiness versus contentment.


I wonder if people have unrealistic understandings of what happiness is. Whether happiness is something that we strive for, and once obtained, will stay with us forever. I tend to think that happiness, just like any other emotion, is something that we experience, and fades away. Sure, there are experiences that we engage in that encourages happiness to be created in our lives... but just like anxiety, sadness, and anger, happiness is a fleeting emotion.

There are a lot of people that I encounter who desire happiness. Who say that they're unhappy, and looking for ways to either fill that void in their minds and hearts, or to look for ways to arrange an increase of happiness in their lives. One of the best questions to ask is what happiness looks like to them. Is it making a lot of money? Is it being surrounded by family and friends? Does happiness mean having people like you? Some people can't form into words what it means to them... they just know that it's missing from their lives.

Something I'd like to submit isn't the search for happiness, but the search for contentment. Contentment with being an individual. Contentment in the workplace and at home. Contentment with relationships. To me, happiness comes and goes... but contentment is more stable. Despite challenges that present themselves in our lives that may reduce the happiness that we experience, can we still be content with the lives we have?

Contentment isn't having a lot of money, but it might be making ends meet with a little left over.
Contentment isn't being surrounded by family and friends, but being able to count on others when needed.
Contentment isn't having people like you, but accepting yourself.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Rest.


When is the last time that you rested? Truly rested. No alarm clocks... no time schedule. Just you, your mind, and rest. I know it's easy to tell ourselves that we have no time. We have obligations and responsibilities that are demanding of us. But I think it's important to consider that if we deny ourselves of rest, we won't be able to do of our obligations for long.

We'll burn out.
We'll get fatigued.
We'll lose interest.
We'll get irritable.

Every once in a while, it's important to pull back and rest. To refresh ourselves. Perhaps even in this rest we will remind ourselves of why our obligations and responsibilities are important to us. To get a renewed perspective. Whether it's a long weekend away in the woods, a morning walk to the beach, or a lazy day in bed with comfy covers... take time to rest and recharge.

You'll be better for it, and others will appreciate you more too.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wordless Wednesday :: Inspired.

Need some inspiration?
I came across this visual, and identified a few things that I need to practice as well.
May we all feel inspired today...


Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Stop rushing.


If you think about it, we're all 2-year olds when it comes to change. We want it now. We don't want to wait for our thought process to alter, for our bodies to get strong, for our emotions to resolve themselves IN THEIR OWN TIMING.

We want it now.

The next time you're wanting something to rush, remind yourself that you're in a process of growth. And that it's going to take time. 

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Keep being honest.
Keep going to meetings.
Keep sharing.
Keep gaining insight.
Keep trying.

When the timing is right, it's going to happen.

Actually, it's happening now...

Monday, October 27, 2014

Save yourself.


Every time I fly, I am reminded of the importance of saving myself.

You know that little ditty the airline hostesses say... the one where you problem tune them out. Something about buckling your seat belt and emergency exits. Embedded in that little ditty is the most important lesson of your life.

Save yourself first.

If air pressure changes in the airplane cabin, the little air bags fall from the cabin ceiling. We're instructed to place our own masks on first (even parents) before assisting other people (even little kids).

Save yourself first.

This lesson applies in an airplane, and in life. Save yourself. No one else can solve your problems for you. Sure, other people can help. But no one can do the job except for you. The biggest lesson, but the largest blessing... to know that I am in control of my life. Even when it's a challenge to put one foot in front of the other, I am the person who is in charge of moving forward.

Friday, October 24, 2014

I believe in you.



Growing up, I remember knowing more adults than children. Perhaps it was because I have a magnet personality (haha!) or because I would spend summers with my grandparents and all of their friends, or time during the weekends with my mom's friends instead of kids my age. As long as I can remember, I've always felt comfortable around adults that are older than me. Being around these adults, I can recall being enveloped by positive encouragement. Whether it came to school, extracurricular activities, or creative endeavors, I've always had a small voice in the back of my mind that I can do it... and the voices are of the adults of my youth. Perhaps it's no surprise that "Word of Affirmation" is my love language, and I not only give it to others, but respond positively when others provide affirmation to me.

The other day, I found a webpage on the internet that shared 64 positive things to say to your children. Now, I don't have kids (does my dog count?) but I have been around children a lot in the capacity of babysitting, working at a summer youth program, and through church activities. Sometimes, it's difficult to find words of praise when it's so easy to focus on the things that they don't do correctly (i.e. leave wet towels on the bathroom floor, ask "why" 5392 times a day, or forget their inside voices). Because I am a Words of Affirmation person, though, I am acutely aware of the impact that finding SOMETHING positive to say to children. Think of how good it feels to have a co-worker or boss provide encouragement to you... now consider spreading that same feel-good experience to the children in your life.

So this list of 64 things is pretty long. Good, but long. In an effort to save some reading time, here are my top selections. I'd imagine that we'd all like to hear a few of things sprinkled in our day...

1. You make me smile.
2. I have faith in you.
3. You are capable.
4. You are more than your emotions.
5. You can learn from your mistakes.
6. You make a difference in my life.
7. I believe in you.
8. I'm glad that you're here.
9. I am proud of you.
10. I love you.

Won't you consider sharing some of these with a child that you know? Even your spouse or to the person you see in the mirror. :)