Good intentions.

I'm reflecting on my Christmas... which was full of family and food and stories. It was also full of expectations and side-way glances. I've learned that my memories of family members when I was younger doesn't always match up to the reality. Sometimes that's a bummer to face... but other times, it's a welcomed refresher.

Preparing for my trip to see family, I'd been thinking about not wanting to do it. It's so much easier to stay in my comfort bubble. To stay home and spend the holidays with friends. Friends who have similar interests. Similar viewpoints. Basically, I wanted to avoid the drama.

But last night, surrounded my family in a tiny cramped (but cozy) vacation apartment, I realized something.

We are not perfect.
And everyone wasn't there.
And some people I get along with better than others.

But.

I realize that I need to give up on grudges and just be happy to have family.
I realize that I don't have a perfect family or have perfect memories and that it's okay.
I realize that I need to cherish the goofy stories that make everyone roll their eyes.

At the end of the day, I am at peace.
I realize that our intentions are good and our hearts our pure.

Alrightynot.

Have you ever felt this way?
Felt alrightynot?

Have you ever felt as though, really, everything is fine?
In the nothing-emergent-is-happening kind of way.
But at the same time, there's a tiny bit of awful going on inside of you too?

Sometimes I get this way when I'm on the brink of something.
The brink of a decision.
The brink of a change.
The brink of something that has the capacity to be amazing.

But fear grabs ahold... infests itself, and I find myself alrightynot.

Fear puts doubt in my mind.
Fear clouds the opportunity for growth.
Fear prevents me from seeing that the pros outweigh the cons.

When I'm feeling alrightynot, I turn to others.
I turn to my support group for... well, support.
To process my awfulness.
To remind myself of my fineness.
To dispel the myths that my alrightynot has created in my mind.

I am thankful for my support system.
I am thankful that my brain equips me with a rational side.
The rational side that allows me to pull back and look at the big picture.

The big picture that shows that I have a lot of fine... and just an ity-bitty awful.
That the awesome and amazing things about my life far outweigh the fear.

12 Days of Christmas... from your therapist.

Forget ladies dancing and drummers drumming.... for Christmas this year,

your therapist has a few gift offerings.

On the 12th day of Christmas, my therapist gave to me:

12 steps for living in recovery

11 tips for conflict resolution

10 self-care techniques

9 Amazon book recommendations

8 positive affirmations

7 ways to distract from anxiety

6 life-enrichment TED talks

FIVE RULES FOR ANGER

4 relaxation tapes

3 reminders to challenge negative thinking

2 print-outs to manage panic attacks

And a journal to record your thoughts and feelings!

Your own skin.

In a meeting with a client this morning, she admitted the following statement to me...

"I'm addicted to everything but myself."

It takes everything in my being not to shake her. To not give her a list of all of the reasons why she should be excited about her recovery journey. To not try to make her see that she's making a mountain out of the molehill that are her problems. To not want to take her home with me and provide the structure, accountability, and support that she so desperately needs.

But, of course, I do none of the above.

I look at her with caring eyes and an empathic heart, and tell her that I know she's struggling. I tell her that I know the journey is difficult. I tell her that while it might not seem worth it now, the journey begins with a new step each day. I tell her that I believe in her.

Therapy is hard.

Sometimes, I wonder if it's harder on the client, or harder on the therapist...

Wordless Wednesday :: Promise Yourself.

You're allowed.

Sometimes, I forget to breathe.
I forget to take a moment to process my thoughts.
I forget that I need to take one thing at a time.
I forget that life is a process and not an event.

With everything going on this last week before Christmas, I know there are people who need to read this. In the hustle and bustle of getting just the right present... or finding spare money for presents... or having to face difficult family members... or having to come to terms with not seeing family members this year.

We're allowed to cry.
We're allowed to scream.
But we're not allowed to give up.

You'll make it through.
And so will I.
We will be okay.

Just remember to breathe.

I appreciate you.

I remember once having a family member who would give me money if I did things for him. And one time, I worked for a man who would buy "I'm sorrys" with doughnuts or sweet treats. Perhaps it's my dominant Love Language coming out, but to this Words of Affirmation chick, no amount of money or doughnuts is better than an "I appreciate you."

I think that we as a society do a terrible job of showing appreciation to others. Long gone are thank-you notes... you know, those things we used to have to write to family members before we played with toys? People seem to have taken on an entitled mentality these days. As if things are meant to happen well for them. As if they are deserving, despite no effort.

Now, I know that I'm not perfect. I know that I forget to share appreciation to others from time to time. But I do try to remember to give thanks. To let people know that I care about them and our relationship.

Just in case you're needing a reminder to show a little love today, I appreciate you. I appreciate you reading my little blog. A mixture of therapy thoughts, and my own therapist via keyboard. :)

I'm off to write a note.

With a real stamp.

Won't you join me?

You are one.

This image hit me hard. In a world where people are so selfish and focused inwardly, it's very hard to be a person who gives. We almost feel as though there is something wrong with us because we think about people before ourselves.

I had a therapy session the other week where my client talked about frustrations of being in college with so many people who only think about themselves. It has caused her a lot of stress not fitting in, and feeling resentful to friends who haven't reached out to her. She talked about how she tries asking people about how they are doing and offering help... but hardly sees it reciprocated back to her. My heart ached for her, identified with her, and we worked toward finding peace with herself instead of looking to others.

This image strikes me because I need to remember the importance of taking time out for myself, taking time to care for myself. Life isn't about giving until we have nothing left to give... it's about taking care of ourselves so that we CAN give of ourselves to others.

Start changing.

It is sooooo difficult at times not to compare ourselves to others. Not to wish for things they have, to do things they've done, to have the life they have. It's a challenge not to think that the grass is greener on their side.

When that happens to me, I need to give myself a reality check... and think about things in terms of appreciating what I have and setting goals for growth. If I want a better living situation, I need to act on it. If I want to be happier, I need to think about what brings me joy and contentment and do those things more often.

It's amazing to consider everything that we have control over in our lives. We have the power to change so much... but so often find ourselves complaining about it instead of changing it.

Stop complaining.
Start changing.

Peace.

The best feeling in the world.

No more pain.
No more stress.
No more second-guessing.
No more anger.
No more anxiety.
No more disappointment.
No more sadness.
No more confusion.

A funny thing happens when we find peace in our hearts. Other emotions that we might not have felt in a long time come to surface, and we feel lighter. So much lighter.

The best feeling in the world.

Moderation.

Clearly, Goldilocks was on the hunt for lagom when she busted up into the Three Bears' home in one of the most famous children stories ever. She knew that momma bear's porridge wasn't hot enough... and she knew papa bear's porridge was too hot. Thank goodness baby bear's porridge was spot on!

Like Goldilocks, one of the most challenging things in life is the search for moderation.

In relationships.
In eating.
In feel-good behaviors.
In emotions.

Moderation means that it's okay to engage in things, as long as we find a balance with it and other things in our lives. Relationships are wonderful, but isolating yourself and getting wrapped up in just one person isn't healthy. Eating is good and important, but eating a dozen cupcakes isn't healthy... and on the flip side, eating only celery isn't either. Behaviors like work and exercise are healthy, but doing them to excess isn't. Emotions are very important, but experiencing them in excess can be harmful.

Moderation means no denying yourself, but not over-indulging either. And sometimes, it's admittedly difficult to push the pause button on things that we like. But setting limits and boundaries with ourselves is one of the most important lessons that we can learn in life. Knowing when to say yes, and when to say no, and doing both at the appropriate times.

Not too little, not too much. Just right. Lagom.

Burning the candle at both ends.

Do you ever feel like a slacker in your life? Maybe you're maintaining things alright, but you're not being truly involved or present or invested. Those times really stink for me. And it happens most often when I try to be everything for everyone else. In the process, I lose who I am.
I recently had an experience where my husband brought to light that I was being a slacker... and it hit me hard. I've been stretching myself really thin in the past month or so, and I know that it probably won't end until Christmas. I know that I tend to bite off more than I can chew. I know that I over-commit myself. I know that I burn the candle at both ends.

The problem (perhaps) is that I don't mind it. At least not until someone brings it to my attention... because then I feel terrible about it. I get so excited about things and on-board with so many different projects, that I know I'm not giving my all. My best effort. My whole self. Instead, it's as if I'm giving 10 different things only 10% of myself. Which is pretty crappy when you think about it. There are times in my life when I reflect back and can identify major growth points for myself... maturing in relationships, spending quality time with others, being more assertive. But there are other times when I see myself repeating the same behavior pattern over and over again. And obviously, by typing this out it means that I'm aware of it... so I can't blame it on ignorance. :)

I wish I could say that I resolve to address this issue in my life. That I will set better boundaries with myself and say no when I don't have time or can't commit my all. But I know that I'll fall short. I know that if someone important to me asks for something, I'm going to do it. If a client wants a late appointment, I'm going to stay. If I have a chance to spend time with friends over cleaning my house, I'm going to spend time with them.

So, I guess I just accept this frustrating part of myself. I work with it the best I can... try to set boundaries when I realize I'm getting overwhelmed... and ride out the chaos.



I hope I'm not the only one out there. Bueller? Bueller?