Do you ever feel like a slacker in your life? Maybe you're maintaining things alright, but you're not being truly involved or present or invested. Those times really stink for me. And it happens most often when I try to be everything for everyone else. In the process, I lose who I am.
I recently had an experience where my husband brought to light that I was being a slacker... and it hit me hard. I've been stretching myself really thin in the past month or so, and I know that it probably won't end until Christmas. I know that I tend to bite off more than I can chew. I know that I over-commit myself. I know that I burn the candle at both ends.
The problem (perhaps) is that I don't mind it. At least not until someone brings it to my attention... because then I feel terrible about it. I get so excited about things and on-board with so many different projects, that I know I'm not giving my all. My best effort. My whole self. Instead, it's as if I'm giving 10 different things only 10% of myself. Which is pretty crappy when you think about it. There are times in my life when I reflect back and can identify major growth points for myself... maturing in relationships, spending quality time with others, being more assertive. But there are other times when I see myself repeating the same behavior pattern over and over again. And obviously, by typing this out it means that I'm aware of it... so I can't blame it on ignorance. :)
I wish I could say that I resolve to address this issue in my life. That I will set better boundaries with myself and say no when I don't have time or can't commit my all. But I know that I'll fall short. I know that if someone important to me asks for something, I'm going to do it. If a client wants a late appointment, I'm going to stay. If I have a chance to spend time with friends over cleaning my house, I'm going to spend time with them.
So, I guess I just accept this frustrating part of myself. I work with it the best I can... try to set boundaries when I realize I'm getting overwhelmed... and ride out the chaos.
I hope I'm not the only one out there. Bueller? Bueller?
So this is a trick... right? To Bueller you I should NOT respond... but I have to! :-)
ReplyDeleteWhile I don't have anything to back my theory, I think it's easy to burn the candle at both ends when you've been exposed to that environment most of your life. It's "normal"... unhealthy but normal.
My mom spread herself thin juggling the things she did (5 kids, husband, job, volunteering, friends). She rarely said no to anyone. I'm guilty of having way too many pokers in the fire too. Like you said, giving 10 different things 10% of yourself.
Most people like us have another problem. Too often we don't invest in our own well being. My mom who always burned her candle at both ends is burned out. Physically, mentally and spiritually. I wonder about the quality of her life... and what steps I must do to not get where she is.
I definitely think this candle burning business is something that is often learned. We see it being normal, and whether we recognize it as being unhealthy or not, we frequently find ourselves following in the same footpaths of those before us. I truly hope that in 10 or 20 years I don't regret this lifestyle of choice-making that I've created for myself, but you're right that not investing in our own well-being poses a challenge down the line.
ReplyDeleteBeing involved in life is super duper fun... but I need to remember that so is sitting back and relaxing.