Great expectations.

In England, the word “holiday” means a vacation. Most Americans would laugh to consider the same word and its meaning. A holiday is something of rest and relaxation… hardly what is involved in an American holiday season.

While a lot of people think about the holidays as being a time for happiness and festivities, family time and food, others take the season to bring to surface feelings of anxiety, sadness, and frustration. Worries over being able to afford presents for your family members. Sadness over memories of loved ones who have passed. Frustration over being void of that “feel good” feeling that everyone else seems to have this time of year. Even good stress can be overwhelming. The looming anxiety related to decorating your house and having everything “just so”. The anticipation of inviting family over for a Thanksgiving meal and preparing enough food.

When working with clients, I encourage them to consider the ways in which stress affects them. Their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors associated with stress. Do they tend to shy away or isolate from others during this time of the year? Do they become more irritable and on edge when having to divide their time so much between work parties, present shopping, and carpooling the kids for caroling? Paying attention to our bodies can give us clues to the ways in which our bodies respond to stress, and can indicate warning signs that we’re taking on too much. 

One of the major contributors to stress for me is expectations… the preparation or anticipation of the holidays. We tend to over-complicate holidays which often puts unwanted pressure on ourselves and others. We think of how the holidays SHOULD be… and we’re in pursuit of the perfect holiday. Perfect presents (both given and received), perfect parties, and perfect presentations. Instead of spinning out of control this year, consider these three questions for adjusting expectations and finding balance in your holiday. 

-  Do I have to? Most likely, the answer is no. You don’t need to go to Uncle Bob’s house at Thanksgiving… you don’t need to buy the newest and greatest – and most expensive – toy for your children… you don’t need to buy a gift for all of your neighbors. 
-  Why am I doing this if it’s making me miserable? A lot of people fulfill obligations of others and find themselves denying their own feelings. Just because you’ve “always done things this way” doesn’t mean that you can’t change a tradition or create a new one for yourself.
 -  What would help me enjoy the holidays more? Thinking about what would help you enjoy the holidays more might assist you in zoning in on the areas that need work the most. Even if you want to spend some time with your family doesn’t mean you need to stay for an entire week… a long weekend will do. Instead of buying each person in your family a gift, consider a gift exchange. 

The holidays are not meant to be stressful. They're meant to be meaningful. They are meant to be celebrated. By adjusting our expectations and being aware of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors during this time, we will be more capable of handling moments of stress and prevent them from ruining our holiday experience.