When I go out of town by myself, I always bring my camera. One of the things I enjoy doing most is going for a walk, taking my camera, and photographing things that stand out to me. My most memorable experiences was in Savannah. I gave myself a little challenge to only photograph doors. So with my camera by my side, I walked through the many streets and alleys of the downtown Savannah area looking for doors... bright colors, intricate woodwork, anything that caught my eye. One of my favorites from that experience was a wooden garage door. I actually have it framed here in my office. Whenever I glance at it, I am reminded of that weekend. Just me, my camera, and a morning walk. Appreciating my surroundings, not wishing to change anything about them, taking it all in.
I've always wanted, but never have, challenged myself to photograph people. Just as they are. With no judgments. This morning's quote by Ram Dass has me thinking more and more about it.
What would happen if we just accepted people as they are without a thought of judging them, wanting to change them, making suggestions for how they could improve themselves (often to our liking)? If you just embraced that every person who walks this planet has something to offer you, if only you were open to receiving it?
How much less emotional would we be... less anxious about how other people might judge us... less angry when someone doesn't act a way that we'd like them to... less disappointed about the expectations that were not met. This phenomenon of total acceptance and appreciation is absolutely attainable. We just need to open our eyes to the wonders of individuality. Of compassion. Of love. It's okay that you are a little bent because you were stretching to find the sun or that your bark is a little darker than mine. That's what makes you beautiful in our forest.
My goal today is to turn people into trees. I invite you to do the same.
I've heard a lot of people over the years complain about having a hard life. As if they were victims of circumstance. Instead of seeing opportunities to overcome challenges, they have resigned themselves to suffering through life begrudgingly. I wonder if they realize that it doesn't have to be that way.
Life doesn't have to be difficult.
You don't have to have a negative outlook.
You don't have to be a victim.
One of the most exciting things about being a therapist to be is witnessing change: seeing light bulb moments... noticing the hint of a smile... hearing about the improvement in a relationship. Sometimes, changes take a lot of time. But other changes take nano-seconds to make, and they have the potential to create big differences.
We have one opportunity in this life. Time is going to pass whether we think of life being good or bad. I'm just thinking that it would be a lot easier if decided to make it good. If we decided to view life as an opportunity instead of an obligation, I wonder what kind of a difference it could make.
Sometimes, it's hard not to be sucked in to the drama that other people create for, and around, themselves. There may even be times when we willing participate in situations like these because people with circus lives are exciting and chaotic. You might think that you can rescue these people by offering advice to their emotional rollercoaster life situations, and end up getting more involved than you ever wanted to in the first place.
Not engaging in another person's circus is important for two reasons:
1. Let them be the Ring Leader.
Everyone needs to learn to be the Ring Leader of their own circus, and if you are doing the work for them, they'll never learn to tame their tigers.
If you bail someone out financially, they'll never learn the value of a balanced checkbook. If you give in the 6th time someone asks for something, they will continue asking 6 times. If you continue to listen to dramatic life stories, they will continue their pattern of unrealistic life expectations.
2. You have your own circus.
It's important to remember that you have your own circus, and your own monkeys to be tending to... despite trying to take care of someone else's business. No one is going to take care of your business while you are gone, so don't spread yourself too thin getting involved with someone else's stuff.
It might seem selfish at first, but thinking about the extra stress on your own life is not worth the price. Reminding yourself that you are only responsible for your life and the choices that you make, allows your mind to be focused on your goals and can prevent mood shifts when things don't go as planned along the way.
Not your circus... not your monkeys.
It's okay to feel sad.
It's okay to not beat yourself up for feeling that way.
Because what you've experienced, that thing that is making you sad, it mattered.
And so do you.
It's okay.
I needed a reminder of this today... maybe you did too.
I wonder sometimes if we understand the impact of these two statements. What we need to be reminded of frequently is this.
No one is coming to save you.
No one is going to set your goals for you.
No one is going to do your dirty work for you.
No one is going to learn your lessons for you.
No one is going to stand up for you.
You need to learn to do these things for yourself.
No matter how scared you are.
No matter how reluctant you are to do them.
You must.
This life of yours is 100% your responsibility.
It is yours to own.
It is yours to be successful at.
It is yours to build upon.
It is yours to be proud of.
It is yours to learn from.
