Becoming.

I can remember times in my life when I've thought to myself, "If only I could be like...." and wanting to experience the lives of people I knew. As if having a more stable family, better opportunities, a different hair style, or a better voice would make me a better person. I think it's so easy to compare ourselves to other people -- focusing on what we don't have to what we perceive that those other people do have in their lives.

I've come to learn the silliness of that. I've learned that when I focus on what I don't have and think only about what other people do have, I'm discounting all of the really neat things that make me who I am. Rarely do I consider that just as I compare myself to others, other people might be doing the same thing about me.

I've come to learn that accepting who I am (weird quirks and all) is a process. It's not something that is magically done or something that people innately have. Accepting who I am is a process of experiencing my strengths and my weaknesses, and finding a way to appreciate them as a whole. To accept myself as a whole. There may be things I don't care for, or I might discover things that I'd like to improve, but I also know that thinking "If only I could be like..." robs me of my uniqueness to this world.

Two choices.

I've never thought about it that way, but it's so true. Oftentimes we say that we are plagued with decisions to make, stuck between two choices. But when the rubber hits the road, we most likely have a direction that we're leaning toward. In that instant of a coin flip, our mind goes to the choice that we'd really like to have... that one we're hoping for.

Small things.

I know that I will never create world peace or find a cure for cancer.

But.

I can smile to people I pass by in the halls of my office building.
I can hold the elevator for someone coming up the walk.
I can send a text message or e-mail to a friend I have been thinking about.
I can say take the grocery cart of someone walking it back to the store if I'm on my way in.
I can offer to pay for the coffee for the person behind me in line at Starbucks (if I actually drank coffee, that is).
I can send a handwritten letter of thanks when someone helps make my life easier.

I may not be able to do great things, but I can (along with all of you) do small things with great love.

Running on empty.

Do you ever feel like you are running on empty... that you have nothing more to give, either physically, mentally, or emotionally? That if one other person asks you to listen to their problems, that you are going to plug your ears and sing "la-la-la-la" really loud. That if a child or spouse complains about something, that you are going to start spouting all of the things that you have to complain about.

Sometimes, I get overwhelmed. And feel exhausted at the thought of giving any more of myself. (Which never really happens because I always find away to squeeze blood out of a turnip when it comes to the need of others.) On those occasions, I know that it's important to check myself and consider ways in which I need to re-charge.

To Write Love On Her Arms is a wonderful organization that promotes education on suicide prevention. They recently wrote a blog on self-care and its importance in our lives. It's an amazing read that I invite you to look at HERE. My favorite line is this: "Every now and then, let’s trade practicality for play and work for balance."

The waiting game.

How long have you waited for something? For something that you've really wanted.

Days?
Months?
Years?

There are times when my mind and my heart are in huge conflict with themselves, and I feel like my body is just along for the ride. The ride of a rollercoaster than offers twists, turns, and a bunch of upside downs. At times, I believe that the waiting is worth it, and I spend a lot of time working on developing patience. If I'm honest, though, I'll admit that it can be stressful and overwhelming. Other times, I believe that letting go is best because letting go means that I'm no longer plagued with heartache or mind fuzz.

The worst part of all is when I'm stuck and I don't know which decision is best. That's when it's most painful.

One of the things I like to do when faced with a challenge is to pull out a piece of paper and to consider the pros and cons of the situation. To me, as a visual person, it's not enough to think about options in my mind. (I think that's where I get so overwhelmed.) It's helpful for me to see things on paper, concrete and evident. Have more pros than cons doesn't mean that I stick with the waiting game, because I need to consider the quality of my list and the weight that each item plays into the situation. Most of the time, being able to see my options on paper helps me to make better decisions. Even difficult ones.

I just need to remember that even if my heart might get hurt in the short-term, waiting or letting go is worth it in the end.