The Problem is not the Problem

Have you ever had a problem and instead of focusing on the solution, you decided to focus on the five hundred ways that the problem wasn't your fault... the reasons why you shouldn't be in the situation to begin with... or find yourself complaining about the problem?

I wonder how much time and effort we, as a human race, spend wasting on complaining about our circumstances instead of planning our method of attack. I know from personal experience that I am a perfect example.

When I have a problem that I need to "flesh out" with someone, there are two people that I turn to: one person jumps on my complaining and bashing bandwagon. When I want to have a pity party, she's just the person to hand me my proverbial drink of sorrow and help me drown it away. My other friend, on the other hand, tells me to dig deep, breath deep, and helps me to center my thoughts. This friend helps me to think about my options and consider the best way to address my problem... not simply complaining about it, which might further complicate the situation.

What I find most interesting about myself is that depending on what kind of ATTITUDE I have about myself, the problem, or other things that might cloud my judgment (my relationships, stress level, etc.) I may or may not choose the correct person to talk to. Furthermore, I may intentionally choose one person over the other, knowing good and well what kind of response I am going to get from each.

The truth is, most problems that we deal with are NOT so big that they are impossible to address, but there are times when our attitudes cloud our belief that the problem is solvable. When we have trouble believing in ourselves, it might be a good time to reach out to those in our support system for help... family, friends, co-workers, classmates, neighbors, or Publix cashiers. (I'm just kidding on that last one, although I'm betting that the ones at my store would cheer me on to do just about anything!) Our support systems can often help us see things that we might not have insight into about ourselves, and help us break down our issues into manageable chunks of goal-oriented behaviors.

Another suggestion I like to offer others (and remind myself of daily) is to be aware. Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. My clients at my old job could probably recite for you this statement, "If you learn nothing else while you are here, learn this: the most important goal I have for you is to be more aware of your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors." Self-awareness is crucial for good mental health. Paying attention to your thoughts, feeling, and behaviors (feeling grumpy mid-afternoon... did your remember to have lunch today?) will help you in more ways than just one, but certainly will assist in being mindful of your attitude.