Focus on the joy.

I have two friends who I talk to on a regular basis when I am going through challenges. One friend means well, she really does, but I know that when I talk to her I have free reign at complaining. Of encouraging her to join my bandwagon of negativity. My other friend allows me to talk to her about my challenges, but I know that when I bring something to her, she is going to help me solve my problem. She encourages me to consider my options and find ways to overcome those challenges.

I'll admit that sometimes I choose the first kind of friend... and I'll continue to admit that I never feel better after our conversations. Sure, it's nice to have someone agree with me. The service at lunch WAS terrible, and that co-worker IS incredibly annoying. But it doesn't get me anywhere after when our talk is over. I'm no worse, perhaps, no certainly not better.

I think what I cherish so much about my conversations with my second friend is that she helps me break my habit of negativity. She asks me questions about why I feel a certain way about the challenge I'm facing, encourages me to step back and look at the bigger picture, and find a way to stop talking about the problem.

Sometimes, we want to vent. And it's certainly healthy to talk about our problems instead of keeping thoughts and feelings inside. But I've discovered that talking about our problems over and over without purpose tends to encourage our negative thoughts to fester and grow into bigger issues than they really are. If we were to, instead, share our thoughts and reach for solutions, we would have more time to focus on the positives of our lives too.

In the grand scheme of things, is the fact that I had bad service at lunch important enough to ruin my day... or should I be thankful to have had an opportunity to go to lunch with a friend and break away from the stress of life for an hour?

Address problems, but also focus on the joys.