Nothing about you.

 

I first time I ever really remember getting picked on was in elementary school. I can describe everything. I can close my eyes and imagine it like it was yesterday... the playground, the dark wood chips underneath my feet, my friends and I pretending that we were Shiloh Generals cheerleaders. "Who rocks the house, the Shiloh Generals rock the house, and when they rock the house they rock it all the way down." I could do the cheer for you right now if I could come through the computer screen. And while I can't remember her name, I will never forget her words.

"You're too fat to ever be a cheerleader."

Almost 30 years later, those words still affect me. Whenever I see a cheerleader, my brain takes me back to that playground. Even if just for a nanosecond. I know, rationally, that little girl had no idea that her words would stick with me. But they have. Through middle school and high school, I hated cheerleaders with a passion. Rolled my eyes when I was around them. Befriended very few of them, if I'm being honest. (Okay, if I'm being more honest, I will admit that I've watched countless cheerleading competitions on ESPN though, so I'm not sure psychologically where that puts me on the spectrum of having issues....)

When people are mean to us, their desire is to get a reaction. To assert control over our emotions. They want us to get upset about what they have said... to get worked up, and respond (fueling their fire). We may also turn inward, and evaluate who we are -- looking for ways that we need to change. Perhaps if we did THIS or worked on THAT, then maybe we would be more accepted by a particular individual or group.

The truth is this.

The mean things that people say to us don't have anything to do with us. The mean things aren't a reflection of us and what we need to change. Rather, it's a reflection on the person doing the talking. It's a reflection of their character.... and how they find fulfillment in putting people down in order to help themselves feel better.

The next time someone says something hurtful to you, remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you. And everything to do with them. Remind yourself of how wonderful you are. How strong you are. How aware you are of your strengths, as well as the things that you'd like to improve about yourself (it's good to have balance). Remind yourself of your support system, and that you have people who care about you. Think about the things that you enjoy doing. Try not to allow the hurtful things that other people say to take away from the positives that you have in your life.