Acceptance, on life's terms.

Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today.
When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation --
some fact of my life -- unacceptable to me,
and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation
as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake.
Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober.
Unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy.

I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world,
as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.

- page 417, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous



Whether you are familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous or not, I can probably bet that you can identify with acceptance... struggling with finding it, needing to more of it, or being thankful to have some.

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about acceptance because I have been oh so very lucky to have been faced with situations that have completely outside of my control. Isn't it funny that when you find yourself in situations where you know that you have no control, it doesn't stop you from trying to have some? As if it's a challenge to see if you can grab ahold of any...

What's also interesting is that there has been time and time again where if I just let go and practice acceptance, I know what I am so much happier. But somehow, I am not reminded of that until I suffer through the agony of attempting to control that which I know I cannot.

This acceptance reading from the Big Book was introduced to me by therapist friend of mine several years ago, before I really got into my work with substance abuse clients and helping them through their recovery journey. It sucked me in, and hasn't let me go. I remember when I first heard it, thinking that it was the most enlightening thing I had ever heard in my life.

In truth, what grabs me the most from this reading is that I don't need to understand something in order to accept it. Queen of the WHY of life, I want to know everything!!

I want to know why people do things.

Understand their situations..
Their reasons for behavior..
Why they hurt my feelings...
Why they make decisions...
Why they plan their vacations around restaurants...
Why they hate cilantro (an easy answer... because it tastes like soap)

In order for ME to have serenity, I don't need to depend on the OTHER PERSON'S why. 

If I focus on having acceptance about every situation in my life, the shift is on me... my thoughts, my feelings, my behaviors (those things that I control). I bring myself into awareness more. It doesn't matter what you are doing in your life. You may do things that I don't like, and you may hurt my feelings and I may not understand why you do the things that you do. But I don't have to make rash decisions that I may regret down the road.

I am in control of me.