Give or Take?

I thought that relationships were challenging when I was in middle school and part of the triad of best friends (you know, when you have two best friends who are also best friends) or when I was dating someone in 9th grade but neither one of us could drive so it was only dating in the sense that we held hands in between classes and talked on the phone at night. Nothing prepared me for relationships in adulthood. 

Relationships as an adult is hard. Being an adult is difficult, but an adult in a relationship with another adult is difficult because everyone seems to be out for themselves.

What do you have to offer me?
What is so interesting about you that I should spend time with you?
How can our relationship help me?

Friendship, dating, or otherwise, relationships often start out this way... we all want something from them. We want to be accepted, liked, validated, appreciated, and loved. But once we reach a certain point, we need to evaluate whether we are still taking from the relationship or whether we have incorporated, and transitioning into mostly, giving. 

Think for a moment about most of your relationships. (Yes, think about them. I'll be here waiting when you are finished.) Are you a taker? Are you a giver? I'm sure you've read somewhere that people in relationships are opposites... the extrovert attracting the introvert or the person who loves adventure befriending the book nerd who loves staying at home. When it comes to giving and taking, the opposite thing doesn't work. Here's why.

The giver probably loves giving in the relationship... they feel "fed" giving to the taker. But the taker doesn't have anything to offer the giver. Because they just take. Eventually, it gets old. Bitterness, resentment, and loneliness might be feelings that set in for the giver. Because the relationship isn't balanced.

But.

If both people are givers, and are willing to take into consideration the other person's needs and wants, they respond to them equally and both people are "fed". This, I believe, is the success to long-term relationships.... whether they be friendships or marriages.

When I take the focus off of making my own self happy, and focus on creating happiness for the person with whom I am in relationship with... I find that I cannot help but feel happy. And vice versa.