Some day.

I found what I was looking for. 
I was so happy.
And then it was ripped away from me with absolutely no warning.
Blindsided couldn't have been a better description.


I'll be honest... it really sucks. Like, really. Really, really, really. At the time, I was devastated. It consumed my thoughts. It was all I wanted to talk about. And in the same breath, I didn't want to talk about it at all. It was all I could do to force myself to engage in conversation about other things. Consumed is the only word that is appropriate. I felt like no one else in the entire world understood what I was going through, even if they said that they did. I felt angry, hurt, lost, and alone.

I had to adjust.
I had to move on.
I had to forgive.
I had to figure out a game plan.
I had to find something else to look for. 
Something better.

-------------

Have you ever been in a situation where you have really wanted something, and have searched and searched earnestly for it? Maybe you finally found it, only to realize that it wasn't all that you hoped it would be. Or maybe you felt that pull of something telling you that something better was out there in the world.

I think there are times in life that we get these messages (perhaps from Above, perhaps from the universe, whatever you believe) that tell us to be cautious about decisions that we make in life. I don't know about you, but I am an excited decision-maker. I like to think about the benefits of things and don't always spend as much time as I need to on the liabilities of choices. 

-Leaving Valdosta to drive to Atlanta at 3:00 just in time for rush-hour.
-Deciding to bake homemade bread at 10:00 at night.
-Agreeing to a speaking arrangement even though I have 264 other things going on.

*I think we all know there are other examples I could have used, but that would have been WAY too personal. :)*

I think that there are times when we get so fixated on the things that WE want for our lives, that we don't see opportunities that open around us that could be just as good, if not better, than the ones we have set for ourselves. We get fixated on these things that we ignore the flashing red lights and the stumbling blocks that are placed in our ways (that are meant to steer us in different directions). In essence, we become stubborn. And so when things don't pan out for us the way we want them to (a la, my example from above) we are torn and shattered and feel as though we are defeated.

What happens though, is this.

When the dust settles, you stand yourself back up.
Brushing the dirt off, you are a new person.
A new person who has a new skill set.
A new person who has a new layer of skin.
A new person who has survived what they thought they wouldn't be able to survive.

And in that newness, you are open to find something much greater than what you were looking for to begin with.